Labels: funny, random

Sometimes I even wonder why people care.
Or are we just pretending?

We all must be really good at pretending.

In some ways baring your soul to someone is easier over the internet than face to face.
Either way, you aren't sure how the other will react.
In some ways, I prefer face to face, because I think that better insures a response.
And being able to really see how they react could be nice... or not.
And in person, the other may be intimidated to NOT share something equally exposing.

(And the other person doesn't have to see you suddenly burst into tears.)


We all have our demons, skeletons, and dark secrets.
Whatever background you came from... doesn't seem to change it.
Or make it any easier.
I wonder what that says.

I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
Or how to feel.

I really do hate myself sometimes.

Curiousity is evil.

And I'm confused, but at the same time it makes sense.


Also... should I tell Chris how I feel? Or does he already know?
Have my friends told him because he asked? Because he asked them and not me?


Sometimes I wonder why I even deal with this shit....


And then it really hits me how alone I feel.



People who love Pop Rocks must be masochistic.
It hurts so good.


I wish I could drown myself in something right now.
Like... music, or stuffed animals and fluffy blankets. Darkness.
...Love.



Things don't seem to be going my way at the moment.
Does it ever, really?

Labels: guys, random

I usually don't watch/enjoy it.

But there's something about Landon Liboiron playing Declan that keeps my eyes on the screen, and my hand close to the remote in case I need to back up or go past the lame non-Declan stuff.


I will definitely be watching this season... for him:




^Click^


Oh, Landon.

If you don't think he's cute, then you'd have to see him in action, as in rather than a 2D still picture.
Some people look better in person. Landon, I believe, is one of those people.

Labels: awesomeness

The Grammy Committee (or whatever they call themselves) definitely have favorites.

U2
Johnny Cash
Bruce Springsteen

I really wish I could figure out the percentage of the awards they won against what they've been nominated for.

Tina Turner, Pat Benatar, and Lenny Kravitz are also reoccurring winners.


I'm sorry, Sheryl Crow is not a Female Rock Vocalist.

And how did Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" win over Beastie Boys' "Sabotage"?


Somehow I got sucked into the world of the Grammys tonight. I hate when that happens sometimes because the world of the Grammys is gigantic and confusing.

Labels: random

For example.
There's this one stunt he does, where he has a crowd of people around him. The only unstaged part of this trick was where Criss throws his wristband behind him, and a truly random person catches it. This random person then chooses a card. That is unstaged, as well.

Then Criss handpicks a person from the crowd, then, he tells that person to pick someone because "people may think this is staged." This UNrandom person then chooses the ONLY bald person in the crowd.

This bald person is then "hypnotized" into a deep sleep. Criss takes the random card, and puts it under the bald cap of the unrandom guy. Notice how Criss always keeps his hand FIRMLY on the guy's head. After this, Criss takes a sharp object, like a swiss knife, and "cuts" into the guy's head. fake blood oozes out. Criss (with difficulty) manages to get the card from under the guy's bald cap. Unastonishingly, the card is the random card.


The first two times I saw this, I didn't see it. The third time, I realized "Huh, good thing this guy is bald."
He really was the only one in the crowd.

Let me see if I can find a vid...

I seriously can't believe I just thought that.

It's SUPPOSED to be "The Campfire Song" Song. You know, from Spongebob.


Let's gather 'round the vampire
And sing our vampire song
Our V-A-M-P-I-R-E S-O-N-G song.
And if you think that you can sing it faster,
Then you're wrong
But it'll help if you just sing along....

Labels: random

Kill Hannah will not be the same without the bromance of Jon and Mat.
*sigh*


I'm curious WHY Jon left, though.


Kill Hannah has gone through so many members... haha.
But seriously...
I'm so glad I have his sig on my concert pants and his guitar pick. I still really hate myself for keeping it in my pocket on the way home... like half of it came off. D=

Bum City, man. Bum City.

(Pat Morita)

Alright. I have to ask this.
How did he continue showing up in credits after he died in 2005?

I mean... sure it would make sense if the show came out in 2006 or even 2007....
But... here. Just look at what IMDB had:

1. Royal Kill (2009) .... Exhibition Manager
2. Act Your Age (2008) .... Tom
3. Kingdom Hearts II: Final Mix+ (2007) (VG) (voice: English version) .... Emperor of China
4. "SpongeBob SquarePants" .... Master Udon (1 episode, 2006)
   -- Whale of a Birthday/Karate Island (2006) TV episode (voice) .... Master Udon
5. 18 Fingers of Death! (2006) (V) .... Mr. Lee
6. Spymate (2006) .... Kiro

Royal Kill was supposedly the last movie he shot for. He died AFTER the filming. Something about delays making it not come out in theaters until this year. Same probably goes for Act Your Age. They don't seem like they were blockbusters or... intended to be.

But still... weird.
Like how Tupac kept having CDs coming out long after he was dead.



It's kind of interesting how some movies get integrated into everyday life and modern culture. I mean, when was the last time you heard a reference to it? Couldn't have been over half a year, right? Last time I heard one was a few days ago. Or maybe yesterday. Who knows. Days tend to mold into each other when I don't do much.

Labels: random

"You'd think it'd be music by rabbits.... but it's not."
Oliver makes me laugh

Now I think of bunnies with bling.

When I said that, he said they already did that. The Nesquik rabbit.
True, true.

When I see one....

Or in this case... hear one.

Enter Kemper: The Co-ed Killer.

If the title already doesn't scream "don't watch," suffering through the "acting" of the main character will.
Not to mention the writing. Anyone who watches a crime scene/criminal mind type of show or movie could write this. If there was any skill or talent put into the writing, it's drowned out by the horrid acting.
The serial killer isn't that bad, actually. He's one of the better actors. But the main guy... played by Christopher Stapleton... think of.... think of a noir film. Where there's a detective, and he's always trying to act smart and superior. He acts like he knows everything, right? Well, imagine that.... but it's a pretty mad detective. He has to prove he's mad by cussing. But dear god his voice.... he sounds like his head is stuck up his ass. If that makes sense. It's... bad acting. You can tell it's acting. That's bad acting. You don't even have to look at the screen to tell he's a bad actor.

But really, the plot is supposed to sound smart. The serial killer is supposed to know what he's doing and be incredibly elusive... but at the same time, he makes easy mistakes. And isn't he supposed to be wanted? How come he can just hang around public places, talking on the phone about killing people, and no one notices him or what he's talking about?
There are so many loop holes in this story... it's just bad....

I know it's an indie film. It hardly has any crew and it's not rated.
Half a star at best.

And I have to say.... what a horrible ending. That guy is a jackass. Of course, I thought that through the entire "movie", but still.

Oh, and I only watched it because it came on after the last movie I watched... so can't even remember what it was. Kemper drove it away from my memory.


Dear god... I think the next one is gonna be bad, too. Desert of Blood.
Why must it start with showing us a topless woman soaking up the sun on the hood of a truck? And what a glorious title screen. That must've cost like... a dollar.
And how the hell is this PG-13?
The amateur lighting, acting, and stunning effects screams another indie film. When a gun is shot, the screen goes white for a millisecond. Sweet.

I should really go to bed. This isn't going to get any better.

Labels: meh, rant

Forgot to mention this.

Remember Hayden? Yeah? Well, if you don't, it's a few posts back.

WELL, after the boringness of Art Appreciation last Thursday (we watched an uber boring one hour-long movie about Picasso and whatever his name is being the founders of Cubism), I went outside, noticing Hayden was... waiting? Looked like it. Once I got out, he tried to put his paper he got back in his backpack (I really should do that paper...). And I friggin waited. It took him longer than I originally thought. I didn't want to seem like I was waiting on him... but I SO was. I was hoping he'd take like 5 seconds, and then we'd walk out the building together. But no. He took like a minute.

He immediantly saw that I was waiting for him and said "Hey". I should've just given up after 5 seconds, and just gone on to my next class.
"How are things going?" he asked.
"Good.... How are you?"
"Good."
"...Good."
Then he said something about his girlfriend probably sleeping in a chair. That is what he said, but I don't recall what he said before that.

I seriously had a feeling he had a girlfriend. On the first week of class, I was on my way... to class, and he was sitting in a chair next to a girl. Not to mention, he's always late to class.

When we started walking, he was saying that he fell asleep during most of the class.
"I can't fall asleep during class."
"I wish I couldn't."
"And I wish I could."
Pause.
Then I finally got the courage to say something I'd been planning since the day before. "Has anyone ever called you 'Den'? So then they could be all like 'Hey, Den.'"
I thought it was hilarious.
He said that people have call him Den, Hay, Spiderman, Batman, and a couple others I don't recall.
"Batman?"
I think he started to explain, but I couldn't really hear him. We turned the corner then, to the chairs that I had seen him and that girl sitting in... and the girl was there. She had relatively pale skin, dyed black hair that was growing out with about 2, maybe 3 inches of dirty blonde or light brown hair. She had glasses and snakebites. Ring snakebites. Not the more common studs or posts. Maybe I reminded him of her?
"You're awake." He said.
"Oh my god, she's awake." <---so wish I hadn't said that. I tried to say in dramatically, but I think it came out almost mockingly. Plus, I didn't even know the girl. =P
As I was about to go past her, I said that I was going to go, or maybe I just said bye. I didn't look at them. He said he'd see me later.
As I opened the door to outside, I heard her laughing and saying "No way!"
....

Hopefully I'm just overreacting.

On Tuesday, I hope to ask him what her name is. Maybe actually meet her. I need friends at Clark, man.


When I told Karlie about this, she said "...Maybe there's a problem with the narcoleptic Mrs.... who knows." It made me 'lmao'.

Labels: guys

Now it's more like 60% of me that wants to say "Hi".

Should I do it?
I know this is just asking a wall of air... but it's worth a shot asking, right?


I forgot to mention that on Friday, I was at Cold Stone, and I ran into Mr. Rainey. He took me aside and told me that when I was in his class, he admired me. I reminded him (by physical appearance, and attitude and such) of one his best friends Romy.
I was incredibly touched by it.
Of course, looking back at 8th grade, I didn't like myself too much, and don't understand why people put up with me so well.
Maybe my view is just distorted.

I mean...
I remember being on Myspace, trying to find him on "find friends"... I realize that's been a while since I last did it.

I was on my home page, and on the side, it has friends you might know because they have multiple common friends with you and such. I saw Michael Hurst. Forgot about that kid. So, I checked his friends. Maybe he'd be there.
Nope.

So I go to "find friends", type in his name....
1 result

Holy crap.

*click*
Nooo.
*click*
*click*
(looking at pics now)
It IS him.
No doubt about it.

He's not as cute as he used to be. Especially with that uggy buzz cut.
Says he doesn't smoke but drinks.
When'd he quit?
Kept wrestling.
And definitely gay. Hard to believe that I couldn't even imagine that he was at first.


Like 80% of me wants to forget about this.
15% wants to stay out, but still watch. (bookmark nation)
5% wants to talk to him. {Long time no talk, yeah? What a blast from the past!}

(SkylerPickles)

I'll have to mull this all over for a bit.

I feel very proud of myself.
In Art Appreciation today, we got into groups, put together what we had in our pockets and purses to show a sense of vanity. If that makes sense. Then we sat all around our display, sketching it. My groupies seemed a bit envious of my mad skills. Okay, not that mad, but in a class full of non-art majors... yeah.

At the "end" of class, because it ended earlier than 4:50, I stayed back a bit, making quick adjustments to my sketch, like shadows. I felt a bit like showing off, but I also wanted to see if "Adam" would purposefully wait for me, but in an inconspicuous way. Oh, wait, now it was "Aiden," because that's what it sounded like to me during roll call.
I started walking out slow, because not only did I see that "Aiden" had already stood up, but also so I could hear a bit of what the teacher was saying about the mid term. It's almost mid term already?

Walking out, he was right behind me, like last time. I held the door open for a bit. Now we were practically walking side by side.
"Hi," I said.
"Hey. It's Megan, right?" Well, holy crap. He knows my name. That's flattering and slightly creepy at the same time!
I nodded.
"I'm Hayden."
"Hayden?" I checked to make sure. I got a nod or a yes.
I couldn't help but notice that he didn't look at me all the time. It was quick and an on and off type of thing. As if he'd trip over his own feet or the flat ground if he didn't check to make sure where he was walking and what was in front of him every second. Maybe he was afraid to look at me too much, because I'd be creeped out?
He asked me what my group drew. "An iPod, a huge wallet, and a bullet..." I paused for a reaction.
"A bullet?"
"Yeah, Eric randomly had one in his pocket." I probably should've explained that it was forgotten in his pocket after hunting over the weekend.
Hayden told me that he would've brought weird things if he had known that's what we'd be doing.
Then I also told him that we had someone's keys, and it had one of those keychain things, and on it was smiling floss, toothpaste, and a tooth. And the tooth was the only one with limbs.
I can't recall what he said after that, but it became clear that we'd have to part ways.
"I'll see you later," he said a bit uncertain-sounding.

So... a little mixing of signals?
I hope he's just being shy. =]
What I'm weirded out about, is why am I not so shy around him? Maybe I'm talking to him BEFORE I get so infatuated that I'd become shy around him? Maybe.


But then being interested in this guy (even though I'm not THAT interested yet), makes me feel weird... in terms of Chris... you know? I kinda feel like I'm turning my back on him.
I just want to be friends right now.

Labels: guys

Angela (a new friend at school) was telling me how pink used to be masculine and blue feminine.... in the 1930's. It wasn't until Hitler made homosexuals wear pink triangles that it wasn't considered masculine anymore.

I was not even remotely aware of that.

Labels: random

Of course, long after I've gotten over him.


Life is so strange at the moment.

I don't seem to know the people I knew anymore. The people I called "friends" aren't... there. Someone else is in their place, and that someone doesn't care about me. Or... rather, doesn't care to keep me updated.

It makes me feel unwanted.
It makes me feel like doing something drastic. Like going out with Chris.
Adventure, maybe? A bit of spice to the mundane?
I feel like doing something and not telling them. Having them find out from someone (or something) else, like I have for the past few months.

This is just fucking ridiculous.
Why do I care so much about them when they don't care about me?
Why can't I move on?
Why can't I finish letting go of them?

At least it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.


I really need someone I can really confide in....
Other than you. You don't say anything back.

Labels: rant

Owl City



And for some reason, I am really attracted to this song. "Chinese Organ Thieves" by Finch. It's not the greatest song ever, but something about it keeps making me listen to it over and over again.

Labels: awesomeness, random

"He told me."

Something that I wished to hear, but at the same time absolutely dreaded.

I can't help but think: Why am I never satisfied with what's in front of me?

I'm sure I can eventually get over those things that bug the hell out of me... like that he's dyslexic and a horrible speller with equally horrifying grammar.
Reading and writing is a big part of my life. But does that mean he should be involved with it, too?
I suppose not... but the spelling and such is a real pet peeve I have.

I'm torn.

I don't want to completely turn down the possibility of a relationship (because that's what he wants), but I definitely don't want to jump into one.
I want to be just friends for now. I really do. But how the hell can I tell him? I know I just have to say something along the lines of "I just want to be friends for now," but why is that so hard? What do I say before that? Should it be a text, message, or in person?
Damn you technology. You and your broadened horizon of choices.
Should I say it now or later?
Fuck.

Fuck.

Sometimes I hate choice.



I honestly never thought I'd be one of those people that have "friends with benefits". Sounds a bit like I am at the moment.
Because I really like it when Chris holds me.
It's nice.
It makes me feel safe.
And wanted.

Here come the waterworks again.


I really don't see how guys like me.... but then I don't get why they don't.

Labels: guys

While driving...
is dangerous and difficult.


And yet I can't stop doing it.

Remember the time I said that I was outside of Target when a car (with a nice sound system) went by with "Time to Pretend" playing.

I was in the Vancouver Library on Thursday, reading Life As We Knew It (which I totally bought for $4 at Powell's later that day. I love you, Powell's), when I suddenly heard the beginning of "Time to Pretend" playing quietly. I'd assume it was someone's ringtone.
It was pretty epic.

Labels: awesomeness