Can I take your order?

I have no idea what made me think of that.
I really miss the good ol' shows sometimes. I say sometimes, because now and then you watch a show you used to watch as a kid... and it's not as cool as you remember... it's... kinda bad. Know what I mean?
All That wasn't that bad, really.

Um... I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say this. I know some people don't know, and some might not be surprised to hear it.
No, I'm not gay. Don't get ahead of yourself now.

On Thursday (hopefully, we can never catch each other when we call the other) I'll talk to my therapist about increasing my Zoloft dosage.
I've taken Zoloft since about halfway through 7th grade.
I've had some type of therapist since then, too. Well, technically I've only had 2. I prefer my current one better, especially since her office is now in Washougal compared to Umphred's (who has to be somehow related to Umbridge) office in Vancouver.

Anyway, I've been considered "clinically depressed" since... well, halfway through 7th grade. Around there. Umphred made me take this ultra-long survey thing that determined my personality and stuff.

At times, it feels like Zoloft is my lifeline. I know it helps because I've tried to come off it, and I've "experimented" with dosages...

I'm saying this because... I know a couple people have been worried about me, and I've snapped at a few people.
Give me a break.
It's hard enough as it is to deal with myself.
Don't shove me away when I need help.
When I need to be alone, I will say it.

And right now I just need to be alone.
I need to write, listen to music, and watch movies or read books that give me a reason to cry instead of needing to hold myself together around others.

I've felt like I've been slipping away from the world for months. I couldn't get the courage to say anything. I was too afraid I'd lose friends, or make my mom worry about me even more. Okay, that last part makes more sense to me than it could to anyone else.

And for god's sakes, people. open your eyes. Do you even realize how much a hug or "How are you doing?" does... if you don't ask for it? You shouldn't need to ask for that stuff.

Thank you for reading this. It means you... care. =D
It really means a lot.


P.S. Being depressed does NOT mean I'm suicidal. I've gone too far to give up now. I have too much to look forward to, I just need to hold my head high until then.

P.P.S. I was supposed to say something funny at the end of this, but I can't remember what it was supposed to be. Um... I couldn't sleep last night, so I watched whatever movie was coming on. This movie called "Strange Invaders". It was made in '83, and said it was PG, but dear god, man. By today's standards, the parts where the aliens take off their human skin... that's NOT PG. Some of the graphics were GNARLY. Like the parts where the aliens like... turn humans into these floating blue electric balls. I still have no idea why the aliens changed all the humans back in the end. It suddenly didn't make them terrifying. Except for the... uh... ripping off their skin part. Nasty.

P.P.P.S. Yes, I do realize that was absolutely HILARIOUS. Go and entertain yourself. Don't rely on me to do it all for you.

P.P.P.P.S. OH!!! But the aliens had these laser guns that seriously went "pew, pew" really high-pitched. It was a very hilarious, creepy, and vague alien movie.