Because it's always fun to be watching tv in the middle of the night when the power goes out.

For 5 seconds, at least.
...Long enough to mess up all the clocks.

Labels: random

Girl, you better watch your back, because it won't be long until there won't be anyone watching it for you.

Labels: random

(Ni is 2 in Japanese)

What. The. Fuck.
Am I the only 18 year old virgin on the planet?

Okay, that's overexaggerating...
I know a few I can NOT imagine having... intimacy before marriage.


Today was fun, interesting, weird, and plain odd.
I found I am not the only one bothered by a certain few friends. I am left wondering what the hell is going to happen to them in the future, and that they don't seem to listen to ANY advice. Sure, they hear, but the excuse they give makes no sense to me, but perfect sense to them.
They are going to go through life being mistreated.
They need to grow a backbone.
I'm saying that, man. That's kind of sad.
I just want to slap them. Physically, and mentally with sense.

I can't wait for college to meet new... mature friends.

I have so much more to say, but not the will to say it.
I am beat... torn... unsure... disappointed, distant, and just lost.


Tonight I'm going to put on warm clothes, and I'm going to stargaze for as long as I possibly can. The sky is gorgeous tonight.
I need to lose myself.... get lost in the insignificance of it all. I need to be reminded that, ultimately, it does not matter very much.

Labels: rant

(Crap. Is it really that late?)

You know what? Some words just should not be used in songs. It disturbs the flow of the music.

Body is one of those words. It might sound alright in rap songs, where they're practically just saying it. But it does not sound great sung.

Freak is another one that needs to watched out for.

Cacophony words are weird.
English isn't the most pleasant language to hear. Well... neither is German, but we all knew that.

Labels: random

(In the English language)
Is...

Screeched.


...apparently. That's what Cha-Cha said. I trust Cha-Cha for the most part.

Labels: random

A guy that really should be listened to more.
I mean, people REALLY should take his advice.

Not is he hilarious, he's a political genius.

Because if you listen to his show, people on there speak clear thoughts. They have beliefs and let them be known. There are verbal fights, but feelings get spoken.... Metaphors are magical.

I just watched my first episode of Real Time all the way through. It had Brad Pitt on it. He stated that there shouldn't be religion and there should be gay marriage. He said that he doesn't understand religion. He said that you can't tell people how to live their life. Then he said (to religious people) "The freedom that allows you to practice your religion is the same freedom you're stepping on." He was talking about pro-gay marriage... if you couldn't tell. It's so fucking ridiculous why it's still frowned upon. It's one of those things that just makes me want to move to Canada or England.

To clarify: I am straight. But I am extremely pro-gay. That sounds weird. What I mean by that, is that I am disgusted by how frowned upon they are in society. It's the older generation. Mine doesn't seem to have that much of a problem with it. Sure, it's a bit awkward, but I think we accept them nonetheless. Or is it just the people I hang out with? Is it just chance that I'm friends with mostly gay-accepting friends. The others just get a bit uncomfortable if they try doing anything... gay.

Once Generation Y is in control... will things finally even out?
I don't find us as traditional as the Baby Boomers. Of course, we'll still have to take care of them. There's more of them than there is of us... right? Or is it just Generation X?



Bill Maher: "New Rule: If you're stuck on a plane that's not moving for more five hours, you get to punch a baby."

Labels: rant

At this very moment, I'm watching a really good (so far) Indian movie. Hey, if it's foreign, has subtitles, and is on Encore, it kinda has to be good, right? It's called Saawariya.

The main character, Raj, does this weird head bobbing thing. It. Is. Awesome.


ANYWAY, the main reason I made this blog was to say:

I love how romantic scenes in movies make my stomach drop.


I just love the feeling of my stomach dropping. I really do. Well... roller coasters are bearable, but I couldn't take one that does a loop or go straight up and back down again. I only want my stomach to drop so much.

I prefer foreign movies with subtitles rather than dubbed. The downside is that you can't do anything else (er, without difficulty).


( The only man for you is Raj, Sakina! Let go of that less attractive wanderer, Imaan! Open your eyes, girl! He's crazy about you!)

Labels: random

Can I take your order?

I have no idea what made me think of that.
I really miss the good ol' shows sometimes. I say sometimes, because now and then you watch a show you used to watch as a kid... and it's not as cool as you remember... it's... kinda bad. Know what I mean?
All That wasn't that bad, really.

Um... I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say this. I know some people don't know, and some might not be surprised to hear it.
No, I'm not gay. Don't get ahead of yourself now.

On Thursday (hopefully, we can never catch each other when we call the other) I'll talk to my therapist about increasing my Zoloft dosage.
I've taken Zoloft since about halfway through 7th grade.
I've had some type of therapist since then, too. Well, technically I've only had 2. I prefer my current one better, especially since her office is now in Washougal compared to Umphred's (who has to be somehow related to Umbridge) office in Vancouver.

Anyway, I've been considered "clinically depressed" since... well, halfway through 7th grade. Around there. Umphred made me take this ultra-long survey thing that determined my personality and stuff.

At times, it feels like Zoloft is my lifeline. I know it helps because I've tried to come off it, and I've "experimented" with dosages...

I'm saying this because... I know a couple people have been worried about me, and I've snapped at a few people.
Give me a break.
It's hard enough as it is to deal with myself.
Don't shove me away when I need help.
When I need to be alone, I will say it.

And right now I just need to be alone.
I need to write, listen to music, and watch movies or read books that give me a reason to cry instead of needing to hold myself together around others.

I've felt like I've been slipping away from the world for months. I couldn't get the courage to say anything. I was too afraid I'd lose friends, or make my mom worry about me even more. Okay, that last part makes more sense to me than it could to anyone else.

And for god's sakes, people. open your eyes. Do you even realize how much a hug or "How are you doing?" does... if you don't ask for it? You shouldn't need to ask for that stuff.

Thank you for reading this. It means you... care. =D
It really means a lot.


P.S. Being depressed does NOT mean I'm suicidal. I've gone too far to give up now. I have too much to look forward to, I just need to hold my head high until then.

P.P.S. I was supposed to say something funny at the end of this, but I can't remember what it was supposed to be. Um... I couldn't sleep last night, so I watched whatever movie was coming on. This movie called "Strange Invaders". It was made in '83, and said it was PG, but dear god, man. By today's standards, the parts where the aliens take off their human skin... that's NOT PG. Some of the graphics were GNARLY. Like the parts where the aliens like... turn humans into these floating blue electric balls. I still have no idea why the aliens changed all the humans back in the end. It suddenly didn't make them terrifying. Except for the... uh... ripping off their skin part. Nasty.

P.P.P.S. Yes, I do realize that was absolutely HILARIOUS. Go and entertain yourself. Don't rely on me to do it all for you.

P.P.P.P.S. OH!!! But the aliens had these laser guns that seriously went "pew, pew" really high-pitched. It was a very hilarious, creepy, and vague alien movie.

There's nothing like being cold to make you realize you're alive... that you feel.
Being warm, I think, puts your body to sleep. But cold... cold snaps at your nerves and demands attention.

That's why cold showers are suggested to wake you up rather than warm.

I'm saying, the next time you can, just... let yourself be cold. Like I cold that would make you want to run back into the house, get a jacket, or blanket, or even put pants on.
And just let it wash over you.
Feel your skin tingle.

Have you ever been more aware of your body and yourself?
Do you feel alive?

I love feeling the central air system blow cold air on my skin. I love laying down under the vent and resisting all urges to grab a blanket. It doesn't take long to get lost in the breeze and forget the need for a blanket.

Or am I just weird?

I finally said it.
After all these months.
Okay, like... 3 months. 4, maybe.

But I finally told her.
After 6 hours, my heart is still pounding. I have to let time run its course. Let the words sink into her head. Then we'll see how things turn out.
If I'll be left alone, or embraced.
I have a feeling I'll be left alone... set to the side... forgotten... unappreciated.
Because that's what I've felt all these months. By my closest friends who only feel like acquaintances now.

Please make it stop hurting.
I really need to talk to my therapist. Like... badly.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

And they might not even know how much it hurts. That's what makes the whole thing even worse.

This is one of the reasons why Emilie Autumn is fucking amazing.
I mean, I love Victorian stuff, especially corsets, and having this... posse... this... Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls... just... BLEW my mind when I first found out about it. (The Street Team/Newsletter is called the Bloomer Brigade).
Her songs are real dark most of the time, and have the Victorian/Old English feel to it that... you just don't hear everyday (save for in movies)
And her being absolutely drop dead gorgeous does add to her appeal, but for me, it's not the icing on the cake. It's how she brought this... subculture and dug it up. It's how she dresses, how she speaks, how she writes. It's how she has this ENTIRE world around her. Fans are called Muffins, the girls also in her "band" and in her theatrical shows are called "The Bloody Crumpets." Do I really need to say anything more?

Well, this blog she put on her MySpace simply made me think "That is fucking awesome." It made me laugh. I mean... Wow.

Here's an edited version on the blog. AKA, it has the important stuff on it.

------

Dearest Muffins,

(Says stuff about wanting to get this out sooner)

(I really like this picture for the announcement. Click for normal size):


(Talks about saying this stuff on Twitter and it caused her website to shut down from traffic overload)

Just to up the ante, you do all realize that, if we don't in fact sell out every last venue on this country-wide major city (plus Mexico) tour, and in record time, that we will never be allowed to play outside of Europe ever again, yes? It's entirely true. It's taken this long, hasn't it? So, here we go: Go into iTunes or your Victorian equivalent and press play on your copy of Dominant. Playing? Good. Now listen:

It's up to you now, brave Muffins.
We are recruiting for the Asylum Army.
Our ranks are growing, and I need you marching behind me.
We have much work to do.
Go now.
Find the worthy and bring them into the fold.
Be not afraid of spreading the Plague, for our power grows in our numbers, and all may prove useful to us in the coming battle.
The Asylum needs you.
Can you hear the beat of our drums?
Can you hear the squeak of our rats?
Can you hear my voice?
JOIN US!

Ok, you can press stop now.

With Love & Bloody Crumpets from the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, Block B, Cell W14, Inmate A,
EA

P.S.
The Plague: Get it. Feed it. Spread it. Sluts.

P.P.S.
The Asylum Army: Are You Committed?

P.P.P.S.
NYC, August, Central Park: Let's create the largest Tea Party in the history of the world. You in?


----
What made this blog/announcement take the cake was that Emilie tells you to turn on her song "Dominant" (which is a completely instrumental song, a hybrid of strings, a little piano/keyboard or whatever, and some industrial/techno). And it FITS.

At times it's amazing to see how many people LIVE in these subcultures, you know?
If you don't know, go to a "Goth Fest" in Europe. Like... M'era Luna (in Germany). Dude... It's on the second weekend of August... and The Birthday Massacre is gonna play. I've decided that if I ever see them live, I will wear a black and white dress, or a black and red dress. It's... in their song "Happy Birthday"... yeah. =D


I know I'm weird at times. You have to embrace that weirdness to get through life in one piece at times. You can't always live straddling that line of normalness or average...ness. It just... kills you inside.

Labels: awesomeness, random