Our purpose: To create a star within a star.

Welcome to the Icarus II.

I was browsing albums on Photobucket. This one person has a quite a number of deviantART pics... not to mention good taste. So I stumbled on this one pic by BellZ... who, by the way, is AMAZING. Like... I mean, I fell in love with some of their photos like... 2 years ago? I dunno.
Anyway.
I could NOT tell for the life of me whether it was a boy or a girl.
Until I looked through their gallery and found this one pic "No porn on dA"... which looks like a nude pic, but it's scribbled over the... lower area, and BellZ has a marker in their hand. And the chest is completely flat. Since then I assumed it was a boy.
Until today.
I figured I'd look through the gallery again. See the new stuff.... and... why is BellZ wearing dresses with a retro hairstyle? And... girl's sunglasses? I figured he was a transvestite. No biggie, it just came as a HUGE shock to me compared to what I fell in love with. This seemed like a totally different person.

And there's this one male that "he" kept taking pictures of.
So, naturally, I had the feeling they were going out. Gay? Alright. No biggie.
I read comments about "I thought you were going out with Margaret"
Bi? Alright. No biggie. Seriously. It's not like I wanted to "get with" BellZ or anything.

So I go to Mike's profile (the hot guy BellZ has pics of). There's one entry of a panda graphic he made (he is amazing at making graphics). Said something along the lines of "This is the shirt I made for BellZ for her birthday".
I was thoroughly fucking confused.
So was just about everyone who commented. People either said they thought "she" was a "he", or they said "Who cares?"
Things were said like "Have you ever seen a 19-20 without any traces of facial hair?" (I honestly thought the answer to that was YES. Because it's highly possible) and "Haven't you ever seen a female without boobs? (gives example)"
I checked BellZ's profile. It said FEMALE. However the first name Vladlena still had my forehead crinkled. (keep in mind, she's from Latvia)
Sex change? Doubt it. Not before age 21.
So I kept going through the comments on the panda graphic. After a while, Mike VERY plainly said that BellZ is a she. A girl. Female.
The "No porn for dA" entry was also brought up earlier.
Someone had said how the nipple was COVERED. I never really noticed that before. I looked. They were right. By her arm. (even though her chest STILL looks as flat as a guy's)

And my mind was blown.
Just like that.

...My mind has been blown so much the past few days. It's ridiculous. I mean "blown"... like I'm all "Really? Really.... Really?" and I can't stop thinking about it. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about the things I had learned from Michelle and Brooke and Brooke's house.
The world is a very effed up and sick place (this is in regards to yesterday's learnings).
I don't want to mention them. At all. They're very personal to the people they're about. And I'd hate to point a finger. But it's really weird how things... come together. How things connect sometimes.

Here are some songs I've been obsessed with listening to lately. Give 'em a listen, won't you?

"Great White Whale" by Secret & Whisper
"Goodnight" by The Birthday Massacre (the female vocalist, Chibi, sounds amazing in this)
"White Balloons" by Sick Puppies (Emma sings beautifully)
"Surgery" by Jack Off Jill (more female vocals)
"Kiss Off" by Violent Femmes
"Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter (love playing this on drums on Guitar Hero)

Did you hear about the couple in Oregon City? The ones that let their daughter die of pneumonia because they said they don't believe in medicine?

I mean, there is a REASON why people are more likely to live longer lives today compared to a thousand years ago. Come ON!

You'd think that any SANE parent would be worried to death about their child and take them to the doctor for even a small cough or sneeze, because they are so much more vulnerable to viruses that adults have no problem with. Okay, maybe sane wasn't the right word. But you know what I mean, right?

And the wife is PREGNANT? Are you kidding me? "Let's see how we'll do with this one!"

I am not going to be all anti-religion and tell you that praying and whatever doesn't help, because quite honestly, I do not think that is even possible to tell. But... when people pray, isn't that in ADDITION to modern medicine? Or I am just being a bit more logical here?

People can really disgust me at times.


...And, actually, I don't understand people MOST of the time.
I just have the hardest time wrapping my head around how they think, and what they believe in. I especially have the hardest time figuring out why people believe in things they can't see or have never experienced before.
I have a difficult time wondering how people think things are real. I am, personally, constantly wondering what is real and what is part of my imagination, or a dream.

If I have a dream, and when I wake up, I remember that I had had that dream before, multiple times, or at least, ones that were very alike.
But, you know how sometimes in a dream, a huge time lapse can occur? It can feel like days in your dream, you remember memories in your dream, that don't exist anywhere else.
So what if I had simply dreamed that I had dreamed that dream before?
Maybe I should write down EVERY single dream I remember, and not just the overly weird and interesting ones?

...I'd be writing SO much, though.

This is a very random blog in the middle of the night... okay, so it's 5 in the morning, so what? I would kill for a shower right now. Really. Not gonna happen, though.
I really hate being on my period. I really do. But then again... does anyone like it? That would just be sick, really.


Well, I found the new Sick Puppies album at the first place I stopped. It was amazing, and it's really not that bad. I didn't have high expectations because... well... you know... the "second" (even though, it's technically the third) album is not as great. I think that's just because it's not what you fell in love with. You have to fall in love with this new stuff and either accept it as the same band or just shrug it off, saying "It's not the same," because it isn't. And I also kept in mind that there are some songs from "Dressed Up As Life" that I would skip if it came up on my iPod.

So I've had the melody or music or whatever from "So What I Lied" and "Maybe" stuck in my head.

But you know what song I REALLY like?
Alright, there's a couple.
Well, I was driving when "I Hate You" came on (because I completely skipped over "War," hearing it like a billion times... although it's apparently different. I need to get around to discovering which version is better. Which reminds me. [mini-rant time!] I REALLY don't like when there are different versions of songs, and the version I like BETTER is HARDER to find. Isn't that just ridiculous?). So, yeah, it came on, and I COULD NOT stop smiling like a kid in a giant candy store. Chris was with me and he found it... odd, I suppose, that I giggled. Because it's obviously not much of a song you'd normally giggle at.
But the song I'm really talking about (or what to talk about) is "White Balloons." How is this song so effin' SHORT? I mean, really, how long is it? Okay, about 3:30, but that is WAY too short for me. At the end, I'm always like "It's over already?!"
And I love how Emma sings in this album (by herself)! It's so... lovely. Once again, I was driving when... "Don't Walk Away" was ending, and Emma was singing, and I was just all "Oh my god! It's Emma!"

'Cause dude... remember the concert with Evanescence, and Emma sang by herself... in... "Anywhere But Here," I believe? Yeah. It had to be. That was such a thrill. Well, of course all the other stuff.... but when they do things that I hadn't heard or seen before, you just get that rush.


So I was looking at Sick Puppies's tour schedule.
They're coming to Seattle. Sept. 5. For a festival. Before going back to their tour with these people and don't even BOTHER coming up to the Northwest. I really hate it when tours do that. All those South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, and whatever-you-name states, they ALWAYS get visited.
I kinda wished we lived in Seattle... for like a week... so I could go to that festival.
Which reminds me... do I still want to go the TOM Fest? August 21st. Hmmm.... ask me later.




That's what was in the booklet. Things are repeated at bit. The music really... intensifies at "Angels lift me." I really love this song.



(The main reason I wanted to make a random blog. It's Gaelic, fyi):

Tá mé i ngrá leat – (taa-may ing-raa latt) – I’m in love with you

Labels: random

John Cusack
Ryan Gosling (even though I find The Notebook painful)
Heath Ledger
Rupert Grint
Kate Beckinsale
Kate Winslet
Jon Heder


I believe I will edit this later...

...was super freakin' long.

Went bowling last night. Probably fell asleep between 3:30 and 4, I think (in the morning). Woke up... multiple times during the night. Was up at 7, and gave up trying to fall back asleep by 8, and got up.

I knew it was going to be a long day, already.

We were gonna go to Beaverton, Portland, even Sandy to look at used cars. We did so much today, it really feels like it took place over at least 2 days.

Many hours and many miles riding in my dad's truck, we narrowed it down the the Chevy Cobalt. Many more hours later (it felt, at least), we met this salesman named Oscar at... Carr Subaru. He's Mexican. A good hour later (and him driving us around the city (to look at their different lots) most of that time), he referred us to where his brother works. Miguel.
So at Miguel's work, we ended up actually BUYING a car. *gasp* But even more gasp-tastic was the deal. Seriously, man. It was ridiculous.

Chevy Cobalt. LT. 2008. 25,000(ish) miles. Grey Slate exterior. Practically perfect condition. But, it used to be a rental car, and that easily explained the miles and condition.
Guess the price?
Well, it was on sale.
$8,888.

Yeah. I really do like that car. =D


Anyway, so... something weird happened today. Well, we were in Portland, on the way to our final used car lot, and, dude, there were quite a couple cars on the road with us. 2 lanes each way. Median (thank god). So there was a sound like a motorcycle, but it was really... quick. Er, short lived? I don't know. If a motorcycle was speeding past us, that sound would last longer, right?
All of a sudden, this guy on a motorcycle doing a wheelie went past us.

Oh yeah. Super smart. Show-off.

Which reminds me.
I never told you guys about the fender bender, yeah?

I was with my mom and dad in Hazeldell. We were surprisingly looking at used cars. We were actually on our way to a certain lot. I was looking at the window like I always do. Just out the window, to our left, was the left turn lane. They had a bit of a line and a red light (or maybe a just turned green light), and we had a green light.
So we were going, and RIGHT outside the window, RIGHT next to us, I see this red car slowing to a stop (or trying to), their nose going UNDER the bumper of the poor car in front of them, and I saw the red bumper split in half, and the silver bumper fall off.
Not to mention, it made a really gnarly and loud sound that made my parents look.
Looking back, there was already smoke coming from the red car with the now crippled hood.
It certainly shook us all up, and my dad had to turn into the nearest (albeit crappy) used car lot so he could calm down.


Let's just say that NOT crashing my Cobalt is the only thing that goes through my head when I'm driving.

Alright. How do I start describing what happened earlier today?

Well, let's start from the beginning.
I wanted to hang out with Matt, because he had $400 worth of Yen (I wanted to check it out)... and he was going to go to Japan on Monday for... two weeks?
So it was around 5:30, that I went to pick him up. At his house. Then we went wandering around town.
Eventually picked up Nick.
Went to Safeway and a park near Matt's house.
Then we went ALL the way to the other side of town (again) to pick up Chris.

And I have to say, I REALLY wanted to have Chris around. I am not gonna lie. I have an infatuation with that boy. I really tried to not seem ecstatic that we were going to pick him up.

After getting him... which took forever, by the way.... he was "changing his pants" for like 3 minutes. Matt and Nick were joking that "changing pants" meant that he was masturbating... yeah.

So we got back to Matt's house.
I sat on Matt's bed... next to Chris.
Nick and Matt were playing a Resident Hero game. 4, I think.
It was quite soon when my butt and Chris's were... touching. I was laying on one side, he was on the other, our butts were touching, and I had my legs over him... he said he liked feet. Not a fetish... he just... likes them.
I did it kinda cuz he was cold.
He found it very comfortable, though.

Anyway, we were like that for a while. Until I got up to get a soda. That was at least 40... 45 minutes later. Less than an hour, though... I think.

When we had our sodas, we were just sitting side by side on the bed. In plain contact with each other. It may have been a warmth thing... or a cute flirting thing.
We got done with our sodas... I announced to the world (yet again) that I don't do drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, and that I was a vegetarian. Because Chris saw me take an ibuprofen, and he got REAL curious/worried. My neck/shoulder area was real stiff and uncomfortable.
Eventually, Matt was pushing or laying on Chris or something, causing him to push on me, so I was nearly laying on the bed. This soon led to me laying on the bed... and Chris spooning me (ish), with his head resting on my arm. It wasn't really spooning, because my legs were over his (again). I was on my back, he was on his side.
Time passed and he asked me if he could put his right arm across my stomach. I happily said "Sure". Soon his right hand was under me (on my back), and he was doing this weird finger tapping on my spine. I noticed that whenever I laughed, something in my... lower spine or hip area kept popping. It kinda hurt. Once I pointed it out to Chris, he tried to make me laugh for 5 minutes or so, so he could feel it himself. He thought it was freaky and cool. And he also found it humorous how my body reacts when I laugh as well.

After a good hour, it felt, Chris put his left arm under me as well. I didn't find it comfortable, really, but I managed. I told him how it made me feel like I had to put my arm behind his neck, around his shoulders... which I did since he said it was alright. When I did that, however, his head went on my boob... which I was afraid of. I asked him if he was aware... and he said he was... and "It's a pillow."
For some reason... when it's on the... nipple... it's highly uncomfortable, so I asked him to put his head up a bit more. Much better. He thought it was more comfortable, as well.

This all took place in a good 3 hours.
There were sexual comments galore.
When we were butt-to-butt, we were wondering what would happen if either of us farted... yep.
When we were sitting as we drank soda, I remembered and asked him about his pussy (that tiger I bought him at the zoo) and if he'd been keeping it clean and safe. He responded that it was clean, but not so safe.
Um... in the car, Chris suggested an orgy when we got to Matt's house.
Towards the end of the visit (I left around 11), Matt kept saying I had a nice ass.
At one point, when Chris had an arm over my stomach, Matt put a blanket over us both. "If you're gonna do anything, do it now." "Now's your chance!" "Nothing's happened... yet." When the blanket was on us, it got hot real fast. Well, literally.
Oh! And when we got up from laying down all that time, Matt said that we both looked like we just had sex (the hair, I think he was getting at)

I can't think of any other stuff we laughed about at the top of my head, but believe me...
And there was a lot of flirting, if you couldn't tell. ;D

There was basically a bajillion moments that he could've kissed me, and about a hundred times I imagined either of us doing it. I couldn't help but think how... easy it would be to do it. I mean... man.... so many opportunities.

We exchanged numbers after Roman came, and we were getting ready to play Rockband. I don't remember exactly why I got up. This was also when the V For Vendetta mask was brought out of it's hiding place in the closet. I only played one song on the guitar before a gave out a million hugs, then I left. (Roman said I was a good hugger)



Now I smell like Chris. Or, at least the... left (my right) side of my shirt. Wait. So does my right arm...
Well, it was a pretty good day, man.