So I'll go ahead and tell about yesterday.
It was odd day.
Um... we had an assembly that day. Not like any old assembly. We also had advisory, which went along side the assembly...
Um... so we went to 1st period, then half the school went to 2nd, and the other half went to the assembly (an inspirational-type speaker. Matt... something), then they did a switcharoo. Those that HAD 2nd period went to the assembly, while the others WENT to 2nd period. AKA, there was no 3rd period.
I thought the assembly was boring... overall. I didn't really learn anything or get inspired. It made me depressed. And I'll tell you one of the main reasons it made me depressed.
There was a part in the assembly where the Matt guy got us all relaxed, and he told us to close our eyes and visualize what our lives would be like in 10 years.
"Imagine that you are waking up in your bed. What do the sheets feel like? Look around the room? What does it look like? Is there a window? Does it have a view? Are you married? Is there someone laying next to you?"
And he takes us through getting out of bed, going to the bathroom and looking at ourselves in the mirror, getting dressed, going to work. That type of thing.
And it seems like the first thing that comes to mind is subconscious.
I woke up in a white room. The walls were white and bare except for one... maybe two paintings on the wall. The sheets on the bed were white, and it was just that single white sheet over us. Us. There was a lump of a body laying next to me. I didn't know if it was a boyfriend or husband. The blinds on the window were half-opened. Sun shone through blindingly. In the room there was... I want to say just the bed. I saw no tv or dresser... or anything. There may have been nightstands... I don't know.
In the bathroom, at first there was no one in the mirror looking back. Then it was a person I didn't recognize. She was really pretty. Shiny, long, straight hair... narrow nose.... It wasn't me.
I couldn't pay attention enough to Matt to imagine dressing, or what I took to work, or even concentrate on what job I DID have. There were no kids, I know. Me and Caitlin laughed when Matt asked if there were signs of children. The kitchen/living room was out of a magazine. Brown and silver. Gleaming countertops. Shiny silver stools as seats at the counter. Like in a... bar or something.
It was the waking up in an entirely white and bland bedroom that scared me.
Ever seen Garden State? It starts out with Zach Braff's character laying in a white bed, staring that the ceiling fan. The walls are completely white and have nothing on them. And he just lays there all day. He feels numb. He feels no emotion. He has no motivation.
...Am I going to be like that? Maybe I am like that already. No... I feel way too much sadness to have no emotion. To be numb.
Maybe I had such a hard time imagining what it would be like to be happy to go to work, and be willing to get out of that bed... because of what I'm feeling right now. The unmotivation, and general sadness.... It's hard to imagine me being ridiculously happy. I've just been in such a hole lately. I think I dug this hole myself... I don't know...
[[Haha. "I think I've seen this floor before." I really like Flight of the Conchords. I'm getting into that Important Things with Dmetri Martin show, as well. Watch it, man.]]
Have you seen the commercial for Street Fighter IV? Dude. The music in that is SICK PUPPIES!!! The song's called "Street Fighter (War)" and it's actually really good. I love it.
Oh, and I have recently become obsessed with Nate Barcalow. Obsessed.
Oh hells yes.
