I'm 18 years old...
(and a couple months)
...and I still have yet to be kissed...
-_-;;
I want to say that I get more desperate by the day, but that's not entirely true. I think it just gets more depressing by the day. The FACT gets depressing, not always ME. But there are times where I'm like "Who am I fucking kidding?" and get all emo and think I'm never gonna get kissed.
I am going to die a fucking virgin.
...and I look at all the people around me. I get pissed when I hear my parents kissing. Especially in front of me. I cannot stand it. And there will be a day where I SNAP, since I haven't had the courage to tell them. They like it, and who am I to take away that moment of happiness? And it's not like they make-out or anything.
I get more annoyed at random students making out in the hall. One time I almost told a couple to get a room. I think they heard me, though, when I told a friend I wanted to say it.
I think of the girls with boyfriends.
I wonder what I lack...
[By the way, the only couple I have the most RESPECT for is Emily and Jacob. They've been together FOREVER. I've seen them hold hands walking down the hall, but I don't ever recall seeing them kiss. Seriously. Not even a peck.]
...And of course, I think that I'm just not pretty enough, for one. I've told my friends this. Told Michelle... she said I was pretty and then she threatened to slap me for not believing it. Then Caitlin, Steph, and Sarah said I was pretty. I told them to get me 2 random guys to say I was pretty, and I'd "be convinced."
A week or two later, I'm sitting in my desk in Japanese, and Matt says close to my ear that I'm pretty. I had a feeling *someone* told him I didn't think I was. But I asked why he said it. Sarah told him I didn't think I was pretty. I said about the two RANDOM guys. Guys I didn't really know. So he said that was two random male STRANGERS. He calls Si over. "Do you think she's pretty?" Si looks at me. Slight pause. "Yeah." or maybe it was "Sure."
Anyway, I wasn't that convinced. I blushed, but I still wasn't that convinced, because it was in front of me, and Si may have been afraid to... dampen my spirits. But having Si say it (who, himself, is somewhat cute. I think it's the hair that kinda distances me. If he had more emo hair... I may jump him), was kind of a ego-booster.... Of course, Si also kissed Chris (not cool Chris.... It was a dare on Halloween last year)... so that's kinda... eh.
And you know the really scary part? Or the part that bothers me, at least? The only person I really want to ask "Do you think I'm pretty?" is to Donut. I feel so fucking bad that I think this guy is one of the most adorable things to walk the planet! I mean, I only feel bad because he's Sarah boyfriend... or he was the last time I checked a few days ago. I really didn't think they'd last more than 3 weeks.... I mean... they really only knew each other less than a week before dating, and Donut JUST broke up with his girlfriend who he'd been dating since... at least April....
And I hate that he's going out with her. I really do. And I feel bad thinking this.... Not just because I think he's cute, and I want to date him, but because she's... kind of a whore. And I really don't want him to get mentally hurt... or get an STD or something. I mean, Sarah's nice and everything, but... if I was a guy, I wouldn't be her boyfriend. Kind of like with Chelsea.
...Anyway, I'd kill to hear Donut say I was pretty.
I'd kill more people to hear Donut say it than, like... Richard or Bryan. Quite possibly combined. 'Cause... like I'd imagine Richard and Bryan would be far more likely to say it to say it (and "get in my pants"), and Donut... he'd mean it. Or Donut would have a far greater chance of being honest. Or just... nice.... Because he's a sensitive guy for the most part. It's cute.
Ugh. Shut UP, Megan!! >=[
Well, yeah... so I'm gonna go lay in bed, without falling asleep because of all the thoughts flowing through my head and the tears rolling down my cheeks.
Not before writing some imaginary make-out scenes first.
...I'd love to be Juliet right now...
I least she got some serious infatuation-love before she died.
welcome to
{A Dark Soul}
navigate using the bars above
O P H E L I A C
by Emilie Autumn
I'm your Opheliac
I've been so disillusioned
I know you'd take me back
But still I feign confusion
I couldn't be your friend
My world was too unstable
You might have seen the end
But you were never able
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away
You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me
I'm your Opheliac
My stockings prove my virtue
I'm open to attack
But I don't want to hurt you
Whether I swim or sink
That's no concern of yours now
How could you possibly think
You had the power to know how
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away
You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me
Studies show:
Intelligent girls are more depressed
Because they know
What the world is really like
Don't think for a beat it makes it better
When you sit her down and tell her
Everything gonna be all right
She knows in society she either is
A devil or an angel with no in between
She speaks in the third person
So she can forget that she's me
Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt
Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt I love
You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
Y O U T U B E L O V E
sharing the love <3
embed your favourite youtube video here. make sure to change the object width to 360 and height to 292 so that it fits :D
:D
M U S I C
filling ears with love
more lovin'
P R O F I L E
me myself and i :D
Megan
9/14/90 (so I'm 20)
The Pacific Northwest! Yay rain!!
(I will not accept any offers to advertise on or about my blog)
Loves
Music, Chocolate, Internet, Invader Zim, Writing, Reading, Photography, Drawing, Dreaming, Computers, Pandas! <3, Galaxy (my laptop), My iPod, Rain, Snow, Wind, Blogging, Ice cream, The Moon, Full Moons, Stars, Glowsticks, Glow-in-the-dark-things, Stuffed animals, Recycling, Concerts, Hide-and-seek, Laughing, Choices, Doing random things, Doing nothing, My FRIENDS!
Hates
Jerks, Spiders, Heights, Needles, Shrinks that don't eat chocolate, HEADACHES! DX, Roadkill, Meat, PMSing, Drama, Spicy foods, Pink, The Sun
MUSIC
Evanescence |
My Chemical Romance |
Kill Hannah |
Sick Puppies |
Flyleaf |
30 Seconds To Mars |
From First to Last |
Chevelle |
10 Years |
Shiny Toy Guns |
The Used |
Enter Shikari |
Linkin Park |
Avenged Sevenfold |
Story of the Year |
Emilie Autumn |
Green Day |
Lacuna Coil |
Scarling. |
kidneythieves |
Secret & Whisper |
Paramore |
Birthday Massacre |
Resident Hero |
{And about a bajillion others. I'm lazy though. I'll get to it eventually.}
Wheee!
I N S P I R E
things that will change your life
[S O N G S.}
ONE. "Reduced to Teeth" - Finch
TWO: "Anything Can Happen In The Next Half Hour..." - Enter Shikari
THREE. "Hello" - Evanescence
FOUR: "All The Same" - Sick Puppies
FIVE. "The Kill" - 30 Seconds to Mars
SIX: "Demolition Lovers" - My Chemical Romance
SEVEN. "Mad World" - Gary Jules
EIGHT: "Slide" - The Dresden Dolls
NINE. "Let The Flames Begin" - Paramore
TEN: "Sunrise, Sunset" - Bright Eyes
ELEVEN. "Imagine" - (I prefer A Perfect Circle's cover)
TWELVE: "Cellar Door" - Escape The Fate
THIRTEEN. "Ender" - Finch
FOURTEEN: "Because" - The Beatles
FIFTEEN. "A Beautiful Lie" - 30 Seconds To Mars
SIXTEEN: "Strawberry Gashes" - Jack Off Jill
SEVENTEEN. "Sleep" - Story of the Year
EIGHTEEN: "Great White Whale" - Secret & Whisper
NINETEEN. "Goodnight" - The Birthday Massacre
TWENTY: "Hit The Floor" - Bullet For My Valentine
TWENTY-ONE. "Blow" - Atreyu
TWENTY-TWO. "Crystalised" - The xx
ONE. "Reduced to Teeth" - Finch
TWO: "Anything Can Happen In The Next Half Hour..." - Enter Shikari
THREE. "Hello" - Evanescence
FOUR: "All The Same" - Sick Puppies
FIVE. "The Kill" - 30 Seconds to Mars
SIX: "Demolition Lovers" - My Chemical Romance
SEVEN. "Mad World" - Gary Jules
EIGHT: "Slide" - The Dresden Dolls
NINE. "Let The Flames Begin" - Paramore
TEN: "Sunrise, Sunset" - Bright Eyes
ELEVEN. "Imagine" - (I prefer A Perfect Circle's cover)
TWELVE: "Cellar Door" - Escape The Fate
THIRTEEN. "Ender" - Finch
FOURTEEN: "Because" - The Beatles
FIFTEEN. "A Beautiful Lie" - 30 Seconds To Mars
SIXTEEN: "Strawberry Gashes" - Jack Off Jill
SEVENTEEN. "Sleep" - Story of the Year
EIGHTEEN: "Great White Whale" - Secret & Whisper
NINETEEN. "Goodnight" - The Birthday Massacre
TWENTY: "Hit The Floor" - Bullet For My Valentine
TWENTY-ONE. "Blow" - Atreyu
TWENTY-TWO. "Crystalised" - The xx
(Not in much of an order)
T O D O L I S T
this should be useful
Stop A Bullet
Surgery
Sunrise, Sunset
Autopsy Song~
Breath
Mastermind
The Undertaker's Thirst
T A G B O A R D
yakkity yak yak
Yes, I took it down.
I don't promote spamming.
Romance-less
2:25 AM - Sunday, December 28, 2008
A R C H I V E S
wasting my life away
A F F I L I A T E S
i am anti-social, yeah.
.: [ Daydream ] :.
.: [ There's Nothing Left to Do ] :.
.: [ So What? ] :.
.: [ Finding the Balance ] :.
.: [ Suck the Marrow ] :.
.: [ Close my eyes and I am falling away... ] :.
C R E D I TS
the idiot who spent forever on this skin
Play That Song
this skin is proudly brought to you by DancingSheep
I modified this blog a bit myself. Because I'm a bloody genius. So... XP