So I was reading THIS. It's this really good writer on Quizilla! talking about her romantic history... so I kinda... wanted to do that, too... and of course, talk about what a horrible V-Day (Singles' Appreciation Day) I had.

Soo.... have been kissed? NO

And... how old am I? 17.

How many boyfriends have I had? One... for 3 months... and I'd rather not talk about it.

Ah yes... and even though I had a boyfriend for THREE months, I've still NEVER been kissed.


Seriously, this all hurts more as time goes by.

I crush on guys. Usually, I have a crush on a boy at any point in time. Sometimes I have 2 crushes at once... I really don't recall having any more than that.

Most crushes last a few months... I guess. Now and then, a guy will come along that I will practically stalk... of course, I am WAY too shy and withdrawn to even have the ability to stalk someone.

In third grade, I immediately crushed on this kid in 3rd grade... on his first day. Who was he? He's known as Stanley McIlwain. Yeah... I had that for quite a while, if I remember, but then I realized how big of a jerk he was (in 3rd grade).

The next guy I remember was.... *drumroll* Skyler! Yes... so I started crushing on him in 7th grade. This really became clear to me in the last 3 months of the school year. Told him in Nov. in 8th grade.... We came close friends after that. I was even invited to his birthday party (on June 7th). Somehow I was allowed to ride his bus to his house that day, and I stayed in his apartment until almost 9. It was heaven and hell at the same time. I remember being ecstatic about what could happen in the couple of hours his mom wasn't home. Nothing happened. I swear on my life.
2nd to the last day before the end of school... 2nd to the last day that I'd ever see him... He was moving to Sacremento. He told us a few months before, and he was excited about it. When he did, Brittni shot me a sympathetic look. She could see right through my encouraging smile. Anyway, he came to school a bit late, and the first thing he did was open his backpack, take out a purple bear, and said "Here," giving it to me. I didn't believe that it was mine, but more like I was holding it for him while he looked through his backpack. I asked. He said he was giving it to me. The bear smelled like him for a good long time. It had a smoky smell (like him), but it was really good smelling, nonetheless. And that's the history of Berry.
THAT night. 8th grade graduation. We had a dance. Brittni literally pushed me towards Skyler and I pushed her back. Soon after, Skyler went to the bathroom and didn't come back (at least to wherever I was). I cried myself to sleep that night.
He said he'd keep in contact with me.
He never did.

In the middle of Freshman year, Jessica comes up to me in Advisory, "Do you remember Skyler?"
"Yeah."
"He says 'Hi'."

Middle of Sophomore year, I decide to find out to the truth to the rumor I've been hearing for the past year. I asked Christina in Computer Graphics, "Hey, was Skyler Hulme gay?"
"Uh, yeah."
Oooh great... Yeah, that made my day better. It was nice to find out. It was NOT nice to find out... HOW long after I last seen him? and HOW long after I kept having dreams and wrote poems about him?

Then... another crush or two later, Tom and I started "going out". I sill believe I went out with him in the first place because he seemed okay and he was into me. About 2 months later, it really hit me that it wasn't going to work out, but I didn't want to break up when I already got his b-day present, RIGHT after his birthday, or during winter break. He saw through my act (well, he knew that I wasn't myself and felt something was wrong) a few days before Christmas, and we broke up.
We never kissed and I THANK GOD we didn't. I just... liked him more as a friend. And when I suggested we should still be friends (to make the break up less painful for him), he completely ignored me, breaking my heart.

I hated the male population for a while, so I didn't crush again until towards the end of Freshman year. Sophomore year. My next big crush (who I'm still crushing on) became infatuation in... April? It was RIGHT after Kevin asked me out. I think I started to really CRUSH to give myself hope and make me feel better after breaking Kevin's heart.
Never talked to him.
I only knew his name after I raided my yearbooks...
Tyler.
Caitlin was friends with one of HIS friends.
Frisbee was friends with one of HIS friends.
It wasn't until June that I was dragged over to the guy's table. And said "Hi," waving, face BRIGHT red, no doubt. The guys said Hi back, and I happened to notice that Tyler turned around in his seat to look at us. Look at ME. And also waved and said Hi.
The second to the last day of school, I asked one of his friends to ask HIM if we could hang out during the summer. He came back saying that Tyler would only say Yes if I asked him myself.
Going to 6th period, I stopped him in the hall and asked him. I forgot to ask his number.
Then, by complete chance, we ran into each other at Border's for the HP: Deathly Hallows midnight party.
The best night of my life.
We eventually exchanged numbers, and he called me once. ONCE. Even though we talked FOREVER. But whenever I called, he wasn't there, or was too busy to talk for a while.

School started, and it soon became apparent that he was into a certain bi named Chelsea.

Not long ago, Matt walked into the pic, ruining my self-esteem. I hate ignoring people. I hate to be mean, but it was completely necessary. He made me want to kill myself, he was so damn clingy.

Tyler had given me mixed signals. One day he seemed to like me, the next he didn't want to have anything to do with me.... After the Jap Festival was over, I caught him in a room, alone. And I asked him if he liked me. He just told me that he had a girlfriend, and they've been going out for a week.
That girlfriend turned out to be Chelsea. Bi-sexual. Obsessed with yaoi and yuri (Cassy is only obsessed with yaoi. She's straight... although perverted).
Apparently I'm not interesting or pretty enough.

Of course, who can forget about Busboy? I recently dove into my yearbooks again. His name's Mike, but I'd rather call him Busboy.... or as all my friends, except Karlie, calls him: Skunk Kid. Okay, I liked him BEFORE he became "Skunk Kid," BEFORE he dyed his "bangs" area WHITE. I found him more attractive after that. And nobody else I've ever seen has their hair like that.
He seems quiet at times, like me. But if you give him the right material to go off of, he will ride the wave. He seems opinionated.
I ride the bus whenever there's a two-hour late start. And like 98% of the time, he sits in the seat in front of me. I know he looks at me sometimes, but it could all be a coincidence. As if HE likes me. He's way too attractive. I'm serious. He is cute.

~~

So, today was Valentine's Day/Singles' Appreciation Day/Singles' Awareness Day/Worst Holiday Ever/Most Overrated Holiday.

I brought Holly (Berry's sister. She's white with a red ribbon. I bought her at Goodwill 2 Christmas's ago) to keep me company. It was a good and bad idea. She made me feel comfortable whenever I held her, and she lessened the pain. But people thought it had been given to me, and some wanted to know WHO had given it to me.

We had Reader's Club this morning. I only saw the back of Busboy's head as I walked past. I saw him again at lunch. He was in the right place to look "right at me" when I bought cotton candy with Michelle (damn, that stuff is good). I saw him walking out of art, but he turned around, thus walking backwards, so I don't think he saw me. Then he wasn't even on the bus. I was kinda pissed.

Let's get to Tyler and Chelsea, shall we?
So, lunch. We were in the hallway. I had Holly with me. Randy touched her and said that mine wasn't as soft as Chelsea's. Chelsea looked on the ground behind her for a second. Sitting there was a really soft-looking white teddy bear, a medium-sized heart container filled with chocolates, and a single pink-red rose.
Hmm.... I wonder who gave those to her?
And THANKS, Randy, for comparing my bear that I bought myself, to the bear that Tyler got for Chelsea.... THANKS. That made me feel really loved.
Tyler had a balloon that said "I (heart) you"
At least I didn't see them suck face or hold hands or anything like that. They just talked.

And Tyler did talk to me today, but it was casual, and nothing special. I ran into him coming out of math, and I asked for a hug, which he gave to me. It made me feel a bit better.


Yes, I have cried today, and yes, I've eaten ice cream (or rather, a strawberry shortcake... homemade, mind you), and OF COURSE I've eaten chocolate. But none of it has made me feel better. The only thing that made me feel better was the journal I have a link to at the beginning of this rant. Be sure to read the document at the end... it's hilarious.