Music: "Lost at Home" - The Automatic Automatic
"Demolition Lovers, Hang Em High" - MCR
"Lacrymosa" - Evanescence
"Le Disko" - Shiny Toy Guns
"Red Sam, Perfect" - Flyleaf
"Ink, Brother Bleed Brother" - Finch
"Prayer" - Disturbed


I did it. I FINALLY did it.
---

Today was the Japanese Festival. This meant I was at school from 1 to (almost) 9. I was absolutely dreading this day. The only thing that would make it worthwhile was: Ramune, friends, seeing Karlie, the POSSIBILITY of seeing Busboy, and Tyler.
Even then the pros didn't outweigh the cons.

Well, now, I'm just about ready to kill myself.

Now, when I say this, I'm NOT being serious. I say it to show how incredibly upset/depressed I am.

Ugh.

I had to spend ALL day at SCHOOL. ON SATURDAY! Setting up wasn't that fun, but I would've preferred that to what we had to do for the rest of the day.
The "doors opened" after 3, unleashing a group of past Japanese students, including Sujin, his girlfriend, and Danny (who looked fine).
Caitlin and I did the Goldfish game thingy.
That means little kids.
I'm not good with kids, really. Well, it's just that they don't seem to like me.

I'm SOOO not doing that again next year. All the sad kids that didn't get fish.

Well, first Caitlin KEPT on complaining how there weren't 50 fish. I know it didn't look like it, so I counted. They stayed pretty staitionary, and I counted no fewer than 42 fish. But then again, apparently there was one still in the bucket... it didn't survive the ride from Jonny's Jungle. I KEPT telling her this, and she KEPT saying how you can't count them because they move so much... well apparently I did it. It didn't help with the anxiety I already had on my shoulders.
Then the nets weren't that well made.
Then we ran out of bags.
Then we ran out of nets.
We just ran out of supplies an hour before the performances started.
I had parents complaining about the nets, apparently not GETTING that it's SUPPOSED to be a challenge to catch the fish.
I had a past teacher practically shoot me down, saying that we should have a person over there, explaining things, because apparently people didn't really get the concept... EVEN though we explained things to them before they even started.... there's not much to explain. Bag. Net. Catch fish. Be careful enough as to NOT destroy the net. And then she gave an example that was COMPLETELY common sense in my opinion, and didn't make much difference in the first place.

And the one time that Caitlin went away to play DDR since we hadn't had many kids for a while, SIX KIDS come over, wanting to play. This was when there was complaining from the parents, which I explained above.

The culture experience should've been an entire hour shorter than it was.
Matt didn't come over to hang with us much. (Yay!)
Tyler came over less.
Can you tell that I'm not happy?

I've kept my eye out for Busboy ever since I arrived at the school, slightly brought down each time I didn't see him.

Soooo, more than an hour before the performance... (4:48pm... cause I sent a text... that's how I know), I'm sitting at our fish booth, and I look at the Senior lounge, where they're doing the tea ceremonies... I can't remember if I was scanning the entire commons, or if I looked RIGHT there, as if someone yelled by name, but WHITE HAIR catches my attention. I completely lose my breath. My heart's in my throat, shot by a needle of adrenline (see, I am a good writer). I literally JUMP out of my seat, and my hand shoots for my phone, immediantly texting "HES HERE!!" no time for apostrophes. I THINK I looked at him again, to find him not there. If not, I didn't look back for a while, but when I did, he was NO WHERE to be found.

For a while, I thought I had imagined it all. He WAS on the other side of the room, and I HAD seen him when there was a lot of people between us.

About an hour later, we were told to clean up. I scanned the room once again, seeing how many people there were left. I jumped out of my skin when I saw Busboy. Seriously, it scared the shit out of me. Standing by the Office window. With Cody. They were standing by themselves, seemingly people-watching. *I wonder if he was watching me*
Sensei told us to take the posters down. So, realizing that Busboy could be watching, I took down Amber's poster. I jumped out of my skin again to see that they had moved. They were by the food table (thus, closer to us), facing me. I tried no to think (but still hoped) that they were watching me.
I went for the poster that Caitlin put up because I was too short. I struggled. Apparently I was too short to even take it down. I got 1.5 out of the 3 pieces of tape off, keeping it on the wall, before I called for Caitlin's help. She didn't catch the call of desperation fast enough. Her Aunt Mary came over and helped me, joking with me how short I was.
I told Karlie how I made a fool out of myself trying to take a poster that was too far up for me. And she said that he was thinking how he could've been the one to help me... even though he can't be much taller than me, can he? Ha. That's funny. He's should be tall enough to be able to take the damned poster down, though.

I saw them walk into the hallway, with Jen, a first year, and apparently still Cody's gf.

I went to the classroom. This meant going out into the hallway. BUSBOY was there. And Cody... making out with his gf. I came back out. Practically walking right at them. I looked down the whole way. I didn't want to smile at him!! It would've looked like I was smiling at the couple making out!

A bit later, Caitlin and I walked to the classroom again, to put our stuff away in a safe place. They were still there, Busboy a few feet away, giving them space. As we got in the classroom, Caitlin said how she saw Skunk Kid... oh yeah, because I SO didn't!

Anyway, in the auditorium, waiting for Karlie. I didn't see Busboy. I finally got a text from Karlie saying she was there. I kept looking at the door. It opened, and in walked Cody and Busboy!! Then, before the door closed, Karlie came in!! I started laughing. I tried to get her attention, but she didn't see. Caitlin said to just go to her. So, I swallowed my nerves, bent down a bit, and went over. I frantically whispered to her how THAT was him, but I don't think she understood what I was saying. We went back to where I was sitting. In the special 3 no-attached seats. There, I told her again how it was him. He had a hood on. White hair. She said that she saw his back.
THEN, Cody and Busboy started walking towards us!! I nudged her, pointing in front of me "That's him" she finally turned at he started up the stairs. You could see he was wearing a hoodie with the hood on, and more importantly, his tight pants. Not TIGHT, just tight. She giggled at me.

We went on stage not long after that. I knew he was watching me. Well, maybe not ME, but US, which included me. I was sitting on the floor next to Kelly (who just played Bass). Maybe I looked cooler... I was laughing and talking a bit with the person who had JUST performed in a band, hello!

Me, Caitlin, and Matt walked the shorter way back to our seats. Not long after we sat down, Busboy and Cody left. Karlie never got to see his face. Shame.

An eternity later, the performances ended, and now we had to clean up. I spent more time talking to Karlie than cleaning up, I admit. I kept a look out for Busboy AND Tyler. I needed to ask him the question.

Eventually, I walked in the hallway. Tyler was going to the vending machine. The only other person near him was Katie. I wanted her to leave, so I could more comfortably ask him. She started talking to me. Tyler punched the vending machine, being the genius that he was, not noticing it said "Sold Out," I pointed this out. Katie's attention was caught. My opportunity was lost. I followed him into the classroom, feeling a bit like a nuisance.
"I need to talk to you." I said.
Frisbee, nearby, said "She needs to talk to you"
"You make it sound so serious!" I said, jokingly... but it a way, it was serious.

It was weird. Everyone who was by the door went out and the door closed. We were alone in the room. I stood in front of him, stalling much more than needed.
"Do you like me?" I tried to make it look like it was hard for me to ask this, even though I was more than ready to do it. I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes before asking it. They stayed closed for most of the question. They opened at the end, but I looked down.
"What?"
I didn't repeat it. I knew he heard me.
"I have a girlfriend. Didn't you know that?"
"No." I wish I'd added: "You don't tell me much"
"Oh. Well, yeah." Or something like that. Then, "We've been going out for a week."
Nick walked in.
"A week?! You've been going out for a week?"
Nick walked into the conversation with something like "He gets all the good girls." ...anyway, at the time, I didn't register what it meant/could've meant.
I was kind of disgusted with Tyler, to say the least. WHO in the world does he go out with? I've NEVER seen him kiss or hold hands with anyone. WHO is it that apparently didn't have enough time in their schedule today to hang out with him at the Festival?
Even though I may have never met her, I already feel like I could be a much better girlfriend than SHE is.

I should've asked him a week ago... that painfully reminds me of Halloween, when I asked him to hang with us, then asked again MORE than a week later, to which he responded with: "You should've asked me a week ago"...me: "I did!"

I surprisingly felt like crying on the spot. I hadn't expected this. A week-long relationship that I hadn't known about... that's how much he talks to me (yeah, I know it doesn't sound like much). I walked back to the commons (but not before grabbing more Jolly Ranchers), head held high, trying not to look defeated. I wasn't depressed. I was more angry than sad. I told EVERYTHING that just happened to Karlie.
"A week?!"
"That's what I said!"
I pointed out how he hadn't really answered my question.
She said how his "week" comment completely ruined the meaning he may have been going for.

I hope he's thinking about me right now. Thinking about what he feels for me.

Karlie kept trying to make me feel better, telling how Busboy was better. That Tyler isn't that great at drums (although he is... he performed for the Festival during "Ue O Muite". He kept PERFECT rhythm), that Tyler didn't answer the question and there was still hope, that Busboy was cuter, that Tyler was a jerk.

I kept everything swallowed up for the rest of the time I was there. My face stayed the same. It probably looked a little down, no doubt, but I kept the threatening tears back. My eyes never got watery. The only other emotion I showed was anger.

I didn't get a hug from Tyler. After all the time we spent together that day... yes, I know I'm being a bit sarcastic. But I wanted a hug, to possibly show that "it was alright".
Maybe that I wanted to be friends still. That I wasn't all about the possiblity of a relationship.

I'm gonna go and mope in silence some more.

------

Oh!! And I talked to Busboy's smart friend (Jonathan). This was around... 2? And well, it was more like he talked to me. I makes me happy to realize that a guy talked to me... willingly... and so closely associated with someone I'm crushing on. ^_^ Yay!!
Anyway, I was looking at Mr. Yee's really cool/cute toy thing (that he actually got from Japan). It didn't look like it was on, so I picked it up, and looked at the bottom. It was on. I looked at the other things on it.
A guy, first year (Jap), and smart friend were on the other side of the table as me. The guy started talking about the toy. (He was the one that had an orange headband on all day) How the head moves from side to side.
"What?" said Busboy's friend.
"That."
I put it back down facing them and all three of us watched the head gracefully move from side to side.
"I could watch it all day," I said, moving slightly with it.
"It's like a lava lamp" said Bboy's friend with a smile. He responded so fast, like he was just thinking about it.
I laughed, "It is."
Then, the other guy (who later, Karlie said, was looking at me) said how it'd probably wake him up at night or cause nightmare. Me and "friend" laughed. It had the potential to do it. I can imagine being up at night, "Why is it so happy?!! Why is it looking at me like that?!"
The guy walked off after saying it, and when Caitlin came up to me, asking what was so funny, the bonding opportunity had ended and "friend" walked off, too.