You remember that kid I was talking about a few days ago? The kid that rides my bus that I kinda like?

Yeah, Karlie calls him Busboy. Remember that?

A bit ago, Steph saw him at Bi-Mart and told me his hair reminded him of a skunk. Remember?

Yeah, well, today, Waldo (formerly known as Oliver) saw him and said that the kid's hair reminded him of those vanilla and chocolate soft serve cones, and so whenever he looked at his hair it made him want ice cream.

So, as forever continued (it was a 2 hr late start, and I take the bus, and so I get to school earlier), my friends started talking about him a bit now and then...
Now and then I'd hear Waldo and Sara (they are dating now... it's cute) looking at him and talking about ice cream.... "No, there's not much vanilla there..."

I think he's officially Skunk Kid now. We passed by him going to second period (as usual) and Caitlin said to me "I just saw Skunk Kid." To which I replied with a VERY enthusiastic "So did I." Because, of course, these friends of mine don't know I have the slightest crush on this kid and I have BEFORE he got "skunk hair." It just offends me the slightest bit. Whatever. They're my friends. And we can always make fun on Elf Kid, Tiny Kid, and Puffy Hair instead.

Which reminds me... What the hell ever happened to the Blue Hat Clan turned White Hat Clan? I haven't seen their hats! =(

Shit, I'm falling behind in school. I shouldn't even being doing this at... 11pm... Shit... it's that late already? Well, better 11pm than 3am. Yes, I'm always the optimist... now screw off so I can go kill myself or something...

Oh yeah, you know about Tyler, don't ya?

Tyler and me?

So not going to effin happen.

Now that I feel more ignored him than ever, I feel like I've put some of this lost hope into "Skunk Kid"... and that's why out of the blue I will like a guy... it's an excuse of sorts. It gives me hope. Something to look forward to. I rather have something to look forward to at the end of the day, tomorrow, even the next 2 hour late start, than to have NOTHING to look forward to. It's quite possibly the fastest way to hit rock bottom.

I guess, in a way, I'd much rather be amusing myself online and getting Fs than overworking myself and end up depressed and mentally unstable as I talk to a therapist everyday.

Yay. The optimist side of me blooms again!


Must of the hope I have left in Tyler & me is buried in a way. Because he's ignoring me, I just won't pay as much attention to him. Another step up the ladder of "playing hard to get."
MAYBE, if I won't pay as much attention to him, then he will crave my attention and try to get it. Sometimes he does it. He did it a few times at Japanese Club on Monday.

I'm not going to follow him around like a sick puppy. (Sick Puppies kick ASS!... Sorry, that was begging to be in there)

I refuse.

I haven't before, but sometimes I felt like I was going in that direction and I'd take a step back.
So now, I'm just taking more steps back.

Matt (Bullene) likes me. I SWEAR. He hasn't told me or anything, but I just have that feeling, you know? On Monday, at Japanese Club, he was practically following me like that sick puppy I was talking about earlier. But it was more like a sick puppy trapped in a room. He didn't follow me outside of the Jap Club room, but inside... OMG. SAVE ME! And yes, I wanted to freaking run the other way like the devil was chasing me. Because as far as I know, he is the devil!
(I hope to bloody god he doesn't read this)

And I wonder that since Bullene is coming onto me so strongly that it sort of pushes Tyler away. Scares him... ya know? Like if I saw a girl hitting on Busboy majorly, I would back off. And there's that slut-bitch-girl I told you about, that hangs off of Tyler's arm? Yeah, she's an obstacle. He would rather talk to her than me. Oh shit, here come tears.
I will be walking down the hallway, they are talking to each other, and I will even poke him without him looking at me or even saying "Hi." ....Oh god, here's some more...

I almost broke my finger the last time I poked him. Hey! He walked into it! Sooo not my fault.

Oh, and did I tell you Tyler got a cellphone? Oh yeah, he did. Do I have the number for it? No. And like I told Karlie, there is no way in HELL I am going to ask him for it. If he wants me to have it, he'll give it to me, right?
RIGHT?!
Right.

Another step on the "playing hard to get" ladder...

Ha. No, I told this to Karlie, and she said that it was good of me to play hard to get, even though I hadn't even thought of it that way...
Shit it's almost midnight.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Screw you, blogger!!

Ugh... It just feels like my life is in a drier or something... I feel like I'm tumbling and failing to keep myself upright for more than a second. I'm fine one moment, ecstatic the next, and thoroughly depressed the next.
Oh, more tears.

Yeah. I feel so pathetic.

And I feel this undying need right now to read the gushy parts of Twilight...
And that's when you know you need a boyfriend.

You know, I LOVE the Twilight Series. I'm a Vampire fan. Seriously. I'm ALL for Edward. Jacob can screw himself for all I care.
I was so ecstatic when I heard they were making a movie. Cedric Diggory from the HP movies is going to be Edward... but screw Hollywood. There is no actor in the WORLD who can live up to the part of Edward Cullen. He is a GOD. He is every girl's dream boyfriend, and many girl's current (fictional) boyfriend. Hell, I'm this close ---> ][ from claiming him as my boyfriend, too.
It's pathetic, I know.
But how the hell can you NOT fall this Adonis in the flesh with copper hair, topaz eyes, pale skin, the most sensitive, caring, yet unbelievably strong and courageous guy that will get you out of every single vampire problem you come across? And he says the most romantic things ever. And here I go again, ranting, and making me want to read the book more, and, evidently, stay up until 4 am...
Yeah, it will so happen.

I keep screwing myself over. It's pathetic. I am one of the most pathetic people I know.
And that itself is pathetic. It's pathetic that I call myself pathetic.
And I can go on forever, but I'm dying to read the meadow scene in Twilight right now...

*~"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb"- Edward~*