At lunch, I sat down before he passed. For some reason, I was laughing... or maybe I wasn't.... (>.<) Anyway, then I had this odd feeling in my mouth/throat and I coughed a bit... it was weird.
I laughed, "I just choked on my saliva," Cailtin laughed, too. I covered my eyes a bit as I laughed.
He was getting closer.
"How can you even do that?"
It kind of felt like I was talking to myself. Well, now it does... maybe not then. That part is just really blurry.

Then after he was gone, Karlie pointed at chocolate milk on the floor, saying something. "What?" "He dropped it." "The milk?" "Yeah."
According to her, he was walking by and his milk fell. He looked at it, then walked off. She claims that he wanted me to give it back to him. Then she claims that he was trying to look cool in front of me.
Psh! Yeah, right.
She gave me an example of how to give it back to him: Go over there, with the milk, hold it out to him, and say, "I think you dropped this."
Who in the world would do that?! (that was a bit of sarcasm, if you didn't notice)

I was tempted to throw it over. But I would most likely get in trouble, and there was a high likelyhood that it would hit someone really hard in the face, or land in their tray, spewing food. Yeah, I do realize how intense my creativeness is.
Chris picked it up and handed it to me. I looked over to where he was sitting, looking at the table, as usual. More people were between me and him, so I put the milk down. Chris grabbed it. He was being his usual jerk self, and 10 mintues later, the milk is just THERE on the table, with a little chocolate milk moat around it. Then it was put in one of those paper bowl type things. What are those called?

But yeah... so... what do *you* think? Ooooooo...

Today was weird. The good weird.

Biology was horrible. Another stupid movie. Usually students love movies, but this was like... the 20th movie in 3 weeks. I swear. Finally, the period ended and I walked out. HE was RIGHT THERE. He saw me. I know he did. When I was about to turn the corner, I looked back to see if he had Mrs. Cole (biology... the class I just came out of...), because if he did, then I could hold back going to next period for another minute (heehee). But, alas, he doesn't.

Okay, then.... I was walking down the hall for computer graphics. Frisbee was talking to me. I got a drink to see Frizbee now talking to one of Tyler's friends. HOLY CRAP! I caught up to Frisbee and asked about math. Oh yeah. Now I'm cool (*ahem*... note the sarcasm).

Then... at lunch.... Well, I was walking down the stairs and I saw him getting food.... 'Now, if I time this right, we'll pass each other.' I checked to see if Caitlin was coming... she was waiting for Cassy, so I practically raced down the stairs. Walking to the table I saw that I JUST missed him. Damnit.
LATER, during that same lunch, I was holding my hands out as Cailtin gave me 2 pieces of Jolt caffeine gum (2 pieces = 1 cup of coffee) when Karlie nudged my side. "What? Oh." They were passing.
After they were gone (and... whatshisname... one of Tyler's friends... has Chem with Caitlin) sat with us... um... yeah, if was a while later that Karlie told me that Tyler looked at me when they passed.
"Really?"
Yeah, he looked at you for a second then looked away."
"Really?" I already had the world's largest smile on. Damnit. Karlie knows how to make me giddy. "I'm gonna be giddy for the rest of the day. My face is already starting to hurt."
Whenever I'd think about it (and it's still true now), I would break into this LARGE smile, maybe even laugh, and my heart feels light. Yay!

Okay, then going to 6th period, well, Chris (Wescott) walked beside me. He already attacked (tickled) me a couple of time today. I knew he'd do it again. I tried to shield myself with my math book, but it didn't help all that much. He walked on the slope while I stuck to the other route... the stair route as I call it. Tyler started coming toward the stairs, then stopped and talked to these two people. Chris reached the end of his route before I got up the stairs, and he basically trapped me. Somehow I got past him, just grazing past Tyler (damnit, I should've run into him and said sorry, then yell at Chris... that would've been fun). Then I made a cross with my fingers to "ward off" Chris. But then he tried to get me again. Jenny went past and said "Leave her alone, Chris." Then he said bye to me... before I went into the classroom. One of these days he WILL pay for all that he's done... maybe another kick in the shin. That was fun... *schemes*.

WELL... anyway... so now I'm thinking....
1) When Tyler walked past during lunch, did he look at me or was it someone else? It must've been someone else... or maybe Karlie was lying... no, she wouldn't... but she does always know how to make me giddy...
2) Did Tyler talk to those people to see which class I had? (Because I know I would do that)
3) And OBVIOUSLY...: Does he like me? (Say yes....)

Now and then, a song comes by that really touches you. Yes, there have been many GREAT songs that have been recently released. "What I've Done" by Linkin Park, "The Bird and The Worm" by The Used (freakin AWESOME song), "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace (great video).

But if you've heard or seen the video for "All The Same" by Sick Puppies (they be Australian), it touches you in such a way those other three don't. Especially if you've seen the video. It's about Juan Mann who did the "Free Hugs," and it's touching. Very touching.

I don't mind where you come from,
As long as you come to me
And I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
I don't care no I wouldn't dare to fix the twist in you
You showed me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind..
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again,
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems to long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill
Yeah, I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again,
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it, your leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Haha. Earlier today... well, at lunch, I was busy looking through my backpack and suddenly Karlie elbows me. I look up to her, immediantly responding with "What? Just go ahead and elbow me, will you?" At about the word "ahead," I immediantly knew why she elbowed me. Tyler was passing us. I have such a great friend. A friend who still desperately wants to shove me into the guy I like. Just so we would be "introduced" to each other, or something. Call it an ice breaker, if you will.

Yay for you. Two posts in a half an hour. Yay.
Here's three posts I've written over the course of... a week-ish.
It's a treat to anyone that cares (like Cara), because it's oozing juicey gossip goodness... >.< Yeah. I've only told Karlie and Brittni about this guy.... Enjoy!

April 27

I'd like to talk to him. I really would. But it would be so odd: I don't know him AT ALL. He doesn't know me. I don't have the guts. And he's *always* with one of his friends.

He seems to have a small group of friends, indicating he's a bit of an outcast. Why? Does this mean he *doesn't* smoke or do drugs? Or do people just not like him?

Girls don't run up to him like they do with James. I find myself wondering if this is good or bad.

The other day, he and Kevin Vann were talking. Kevin and James are friends. Does this make Tyler a seemingly good person? Or is he a jerk; a jackass who bitches about everything? Is he a virgin? Eww, but I still wonder.

I know nothing of the guy, so why the hell am I obsessing over it so much? Maybe because of this almost unbearable need to like someone since Kevin (Kuhn) likes me. Yes, he does.

That's a pathetic excuse. I've noticed Tyler since the beginning of the school year, and I don't recall the first semester, but now I pass him at least twice a day to get to class (going to 2nd and going to 6th. Sometimes he passes me going to 3rd. Yes, I walk slow), I spot him every lunch and when he's heading home after school (he walks).

So why do I *now* decide to obsess? I've always thought him attractive.

But I don't want to be infatuated with him, I want an actual crush on the guy... maybe so I won't sound so pathetic.

Do I sound insane yet? I'm suddenly aware of my thoughts and wondering what got me to even think about them.

April 30

I feel like a stalker.

I watch him similar to a predator watching its prey.

Today Karlie said, "I saw your dude."
"My dude?"
"Yeah. Your dude."

May 5

Karlie and Brit are bugging me like mad about this guy. Karlie wasn't at school on Wed. and neither was "my dude".... didn't turn out to be the best day. I couldn't tell her about how I could've run into him the day before (Going to 6th, I could've put my head down and taken one step to my left and collided into him.... but did I? NO!! Didn't have the guts to take one single step....damn). Yes, I feel absolutely pathetic. THEN he wasn't at school on Thursday, either! The nerve of the guy! Geez.

Okay, so on Friday, during lunch, well, I usually sit in the same spot on the same table, looking towards the staircase. Tyler does also, but he sits at the table next to the windows. After people moved from the other side of our table, I decided to switch things up a little bit and sit over there. Much to my disappointment, there were people blocking my view. DAMN THOSE PEOPLE! *Ahem*

ANYWAY, they always leave after they finish eating, so they went past our table (as always). Naturally, I tried to act cool, calm, down to earth, all that jazz. Naturally. Brittni came over sometime (before they left), and, naturally, we started talking about him. After they left I looked forward. "Oh, nice. AFTER they leave, my view clears up." The two tables between us were absolutely CLEAR in my line of view. Frick. Karlie was once again saying how I should just go and talk to him. Hell no! Then I told them about almost running into him and she said "Oh, you so should have!" They started talking about how when I'd run into him, I should drop my books and see if he picks them up. Or be all twirling my hair, "I dropped my books. I'm such a spaz," with a valley girl accent. Whenever I talk about him, I can't get this stupid smile off my face. After that, Karlie said that if she's ever with me as HE walks by, that she'll shove me into him. Knowing her, she probably would. I know Brit isn't all talk when she says things like that. "Yeah, all of a sudden, you'll tackle me." "Yeah." I also, during sometime, told them that I felt like a stalker and told them which class he has. Health first. Biology/chemistry 2nd. Most likely math 3rd. No clue for fourth. Lunch. Band/drama/occupational for 5th, and no clue for 6th. Then he walks home. Oh yeah.

I think there may have been a noise, maybe of the doors opening or something, so I looked at the doors. Enter Tyler and friends. I turn back to the table, trying to hold in my smile and mumbling "Oh, God." After I told them what just happened, Karlie told me something along the lines of "act cool" and maybe something about being funny or looking like I'm having fun. The only thing I really remember is that every time I looked over to where they were (still by the door), Tyler was against the wall so that he wasn't looking at me and I could only see his profile. "He's not even looking this way." Karlie: "He's probably looking at you when you're not looking. He's stalking *you*. He knows everything about you." Then I said, "I hope so."

The bell rang, and we walked past them. "I'm surprised you didn't shove me into him." "Oh. I completely forgot about that." Sure.

I'm seriously screwed up. Seriously. No joke. No wonder I'm on medication.

I was on About.com, and was bored. So I decided to take a Depression Test and an Anxiety Test. Here's the results....

Depression results:
You answered 6 items out of 10 "Yes". According to The National Mental Health Association, 5 or more yes answers indicates that you may be suffering from clinical depression. This test cannot substitute for a visit to a mental health professional. It is meant only to give you an idea where to start a dialogue with your healthcare provider.


Anxiety results:
You answered Yes to 7 items out of 10. Based upon the answers you provided, it appears you may have an anxiety disorder. It is recommended that you follow up with a mental health professional for a full evaluation.


Yeah... I so learned something today. My suspicions are true... Yay.