I think I only have it now because of the sake that I USED to have it, and all the things I could miss. Also because of the news you can't get anywhere else.
Had my account for about a year now.
The other day, I was writing a blog about Kyle (R.I.P.) (for some reason, my fingers kept typing "Skyle"... must be a sign of some sort), and how I felt and stuff. It was my heart and soul RIGHT THERE, pressed "Preview and Post" then again... and guess what happened?
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I DON'T KNOW!
It LOST it! GONE!! All my heart and soul that I had left from the past few days was GONE! And you know, the thing is... I DID copy it... but then my stupid brain made me copy something else right after it.... I was angry. I was angry at myself for a bit... then I've been angry at Myspace ever since...
NOW... however... well, a few minutes ago, I decided to go through "friend requests" "pending requests" "event invites" and looked through my inbox, saved mails, sent mails, all that stuff, just to feel clean... you know? Like cleaning your room and throwing out all the stuff you don't want or need anymore.
So, anyway, I clicked on the 'Saved' and I got... a disgusted surprise.... Wanna guess what I found?
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Okay, there were 3 messages I... for some freaky reason... decided to save.
They were from 2 different people.
And yes, I like to drag things. Just to make you suffer.
These 2 people I now hate...
YES, hate. When I say hate, I know what I mean, just like if I said "love"... which I hardly say to people besides my parents. Because I hardly know how it feels.... But I know what hate is. When you want to screw them up mentally, then possibly pull out their spine.... Hasn't happened yet, but I have felt like it. Hate is the feeling of your heart on fire when you think of them.
You may have guessed who these 2 people are right now.... hint: they're both guys. Naive pricks, they are. And naive is my word of choice that can describe them BOTH over and OVER again!!!
Why??
They thought they knew me... when they didn't.
They thought they had me... they didn't.
They both fucking thought they loved me....
I DIDN'T.
Yeah.... Naive Micky and Naive Tom.
The first message was Tom replying to the message I sent to him the first day after winter break.
The title was: Thank you for killing me
and the body was: Congrats, here's a trophy
Then he replied saying something close to this: "I'm sorry if you feel that way, but if you want to make our breakup ugly, I don't want anything to do with it. What's happened has happened, let it die. I'm over you, so please get over me."
Okay, FIRST off (and I'm getting Deja Vu right now): Uh... I'M making it ugly and he has NOTHING to do with it? SECOND: Who's ever said "what's happened has happened, let it die" and MEANT it? THIRD: How the FUCK could he be over me, when he said he loved me. Huh? That's the question that gets my brain in knots. I don't think I'll ever get over Skyler... so does that mean that I loved him at some point?
I remember that message oh so well... it's what haunts my thoughts whenever they somehow flow towards him. The message was the HEART--it was the torn-up, bloody, broken heart--of the poem "Thank you for killing me" one of my most emotional poems that I can't even look at without thinking about him.
The second was from Micky. It was titled: "Please read," the second or third message he sent ever me, which said that he loved me. Can you say: NAIVE?!
What caught me off guard was... the picture... I met him in August of last year, and he promised me he'd show me a pic of him on my birthday. He said he would NEVER put his pic on myspace... yet there I was, looking at it... RIGHT THERE!
The third was from Micky titled "hi". Obviously the first message.
I clicked on the "select/deselect all" then "trash selected". I then was faced with the "Sorry! An unexpected error has occured!" page... I've always hated seeing that page... but now I have too look at the pictures of them again when I have to delete them... again.
Honestly, I feel really horrible right now. Like crying horrible. Heart tearing apart horrible. Can't ever love horrible.
Like my ephasising? I like it too. You can actually feel how I'm feeling a lot better. Sorry if you can't read it that well. Try highlighting.