Today we had some "Bob Clark" guy do our flooring. After a half hour of me unable to take the noise, I went to the Murray's. I was wearing my wristband with the Kill Hannah pins on it. I mentioned the cd to Brooke once, and she asked why they want to kill Hannah, so I told her that she was a psycho girl, but Mat didn't realize she was crazy until it was too late, and he got hurt from it. MANY hours later, my mom got home. She had gotten a new hair cut. It was probably the angle, or how the hair was tucked behind the ears, but for a second there, she looked SOO much like Mat Devine in 2003 or something... I had to stiffle my laughter of astonishment. Here's a pic of the gang (I doubt I've shown one before):
((Uh... that's Greg, Dan, Mat, Jon, and Garrett. I like Jon the most in this pic))
So then I mentioned about the cd to my mom while she was watching the People Court TV or whatever. And she said in this snappy voice: "What's it rated?" I said I didn't know, then immediantly she said, "Adult?" Me: "I-" Her: "And where are we going to get it?" Me: "That's what..." I shut up before someone got hurt, but I didn't realize that until I went back to my computer. How come I don't notice how harsh someone I love is until it's too late to make a point about it? How come I didn't ask why she was so stressed by this one cd? I was going to tell her about my plan on how to get it... but apparently I was too afraid of her reaction, how simple and obvious it may be.
How come my parents are so snappy one second like they are pissed at this one simple thing, then the next sentence comes as a joke, and sounds LIKE a joke, but to me I still have that last sentence in my head. They're like a bomb on a pendulum. They swing from side to side and you never know when they're going to blow.
Like how my dad has been hammering at whatever. It makes it sound like he's mad, and he's taking it out on some inanimate object, then he says: "Somebody's beeping!" because there's a watch going off that EVERYONG can hear, and I just want to yell back that only Matt "beeps". Then he goes to the kitchen and says "You missed. You must have a hole in your lip," and I can hear my mom laugh. To me it doesn't sound like a joke. It sounds like an angry statement.
It's things like these that make me what people to go away. But I never have the courage or guts to say it. Maybe if I stay through it, I'll get used to it... It's like they do the things that bother me the most when I'm there. It's like they can read my mind on what would disturb me the most. Yes, bring on more tool noises, there you go. Bring down the rest of the house, already while you're at it.
And why the hell am I tearing up about this?
I went on to Blogskins.com, and I couldn't find any Kill Hannah blogs (well, I did get side tracked really quickly....), and then this CRAZY idea came up in my head. Why had a begged to by PhotoShop? So I could make cool pictures. And WHAT is used in cool blogs? Cool pictures. So I actually wrote down the blog that formed in my head, then I went on paint (the main computer has photoshop) and did a ROUGH sketch/outline of what it would be. And I really like the idea in my head, it'll just probably take a year until it's finished...
Bloody hell!!! Freaking computer has been driving me crazy. It's like... too sensitive or something... I WANT TO KILL IT!
