Okay, today was and is weird. Tomorrow the new cd "Until There's Nothing Left Of Us" comes out. It'll be a miracle if I find it at the mall. I'm thinking of ordering it along with Scarling.'s "So Long, Scarecrow", because obviously no one around here has heard of them.


Today we had some "Bob Clark" guy do our flooring. After a half hour of me unable to take the noise, I went to the Murray's. I was wearing my wristband with the Kill Hannah pins on it. I mentioned the cd to Brooke once, and she asked why they want to kill Hannah, so I told her that she was a psycho girl, but Mat didn't realize she was crazy until it was too late, and he got hurt from it. MANY hours later, my mom got home. She had gotten a new hair cut. It was probably the angle, or how the hair was tucked behind the ears, but for a second there, she looked SOO much like Mat Devine in 2003 or something... I had to stiffle my laughter of astonishment. Here's a pic of the gang (I doubt I've shown one before):


((Uh... that's Greg, Dan, Mat, Jon, and Garrett. I like Jon the most in this pic))


So then I mentioned about the cd to my mom while she was watching the People Court TV or whatever. And she said in this snappy voice: "What's it rated?" I said I didn't know, then immediantly she said, "Adult?" Me: "I-" Her: "And where are we going to get it?" Me: "That's what..." I shut up before someone got hurt, but I didn't realize that until I went back to my computer. How come I don't notice how harsh someone I love is until it's too late to make a point about it? How come I didn't ask why she was so stressed by this one cd? I was going to tell her about my plan on how to get it... but apparently I was too afraid of her reaction, how simple and obvious it may be.



How come my parents are so snappy one second like they are pissed at this one simple thing, then the next sentence comes as a joke, and sounds LIKE a joke, but to me I still have that last sentence in my head. They're like a bomb on a pendulum. They swing from side to side and you never know when they're going to blow.

Like how my dad has been hammering at whatever. It makes it sound like he's mad, and he's taking it out on some inanimate object, then he says: "Somebody's beeping!" because there's a watch going off that EVERYONG can hear, and I just want to yell back that only Matt "beeps". Then he goes to the kitchen and says "You missed. You must have a hole in your lip," and I can hear my mom laugh. To me it doesn't sound like a joke. It sounds like an angry statement.

It's things like these that make me what people to go away. But I never have the courage or guts to say it. Maybe if I stay through it, I'll get used to it... It's like they do the things that bother me the most when I'm there. It's like they can read my mind on what would disturb me the most. Yes, bring on more tool noises, there you go. Bring down the rest of the house, already while you're at it.


And why the hell am I tearing up about this?



I went on to Blogskins.com, and I couldn't find any Kill Hannah blogs (well, I did get side tracked really quickly....), and then this CRAZY idea came up in my head. Why had a begged to by PhotoShop? So I could make cool pictures. And WHAT is used in cool blogs? Cool pictures. So I actually wrote down the blog that formed in my head, then I went on paint (the main computer has photoshop) and did a ROUGH sketch/outline of what it would be. And I really like the idea in my head, it'll just probably take a year until it's finished...

Bloody hell!!! Freaking computer has been driving me crazy. It's like... too sensitive or something... I WANT TO KILL IT!

I write about my life quite a bit in one of my notebooks (not telling which one), and I started writing about Camas Days, but I haven't finished. Here, I'll sum up all the important parts.... and they might turn out longer... THEN after that I'll get to my planned/not planned rant.


Kay, so Friday the 21st, my family went to Camas Days for dinner, which we do almost every year. I noticed a few tween boys would stare at me. I figured it was the watermelon-flavored shaved ice I had... it made it look like I had clashing lipstick on... yeah... but I HAD to have shaved ice. It was like 100 degress outside... well, 95, but the heat from cooking food can get to you.

On Saturday, my mom and I went to the parade. I can't remember the last time I went... it WAS probably last year... yeah, because I was trying to hide my butterflies (on my forehead... cause of my "surgery"). So anyway, going up the hills reminded me how OUT OF SHAPE no PE makes me. My mom was doing better than me, but then again, it was my time and my back freakin hurt. Now, I KNEW I was going to die no matter what I wore, so I wore my pants and a t-shirt and such. I made sure my t-shirt wasn't black. We had our umbrella, so I wasn't too scared of sunburn. Just a little bit of exposure wouldn't be so bad.

So the parade was blah. It was dull. It was boring. My first words after it had started were: "Where's the music?" They usually have music on every few cars so that sometimes tunes would overlap each other.

**UGH!! I tried download "Top Of The World" by The All-American Rejects a few days ago, and it only downloaded a few seconds. So I deleted it, and tried again and it did the SAME THING!!!**

Okay, so the parade was dull. Oh! We usually sit on the hill close to where it starts, so if you want to join us sometime... ^_^. Some people are actually really smart. They put up a lemonade stand and one of the guys on the Jets truck parade thingy got a few cups and had to run after the truck carrying at least 3 cups of lemonade. It was fun watching. Then the japanese guy in that float thing had a camera, and he filmed us a bit. We were laughing at them when one of them sprayed the other with water, so they laughed at us... yeah.

THEN... towards the end of the parade (even though I didn't know it at the time), I heard my name being called. I kinda thought it was either to someone else or I was hallucinating (hey, it was HOT. I wouldn't be surprised if I WAS actually hallucinating). After the second time (that I heard), I looked down the street and there was Kevin holding the US flag... heh... who would've thought? So I waved back and yelled "KEVIN!!" So when they got closer, the guy next him (around my age) looked at me as if my prescence had interrupted their conversation. He was one of those guys that you THINK you should know. But I couldn't figure it out. So Kevin asked how my summer was, and he might've said something about his, but those few seconds are vague. I didn't remember how I had answered his "How's your summer?" question after I had said it. So my mom met Kevin. She didn't say anything about him later, so I guess she's okay with him... Well, when I told her that she went to youth group at the chruch he was holding the flag for, she asked me if he had asked me to go to it with him, and I said "No... why?" and she got that defensive "Just wondering" face/act thing....


So after the parade, we went to Burgerville then went to go watch the bathtub races. It's supposed to start at 1, but they ended up starting at like 1:30, because it took a while to get the tubs, and they started filling them with a garden hose before getting the fire hose. Then during the first race, one of the tubs got a flat tire (or whatever) so they had to wait for the "air man" and then they restarted it, but it was still the same outcome. The Flaming Bunnies won. Honestly, they had the best name. I didn't remember that the bathtub races took so long, and I had to go to the bathroom during the middle, and so I had to wait, because I didn't want to miss anything.... But the thing is that the only time a tub almost turned over was when I WASN'T WATCHING!!

After that, I went to the bathroom then we met up with the King and Queen and my Aunt Jeanie, and we talked for about an hour... well everyone but me. Then we went to the Washougal Safeway, where I laughed at my mom's terrible sunburn. I did have one, it was mainly on my right elbow area. Then I had dirt or something there making it look like I had gotten grabbed by someone... which I probably did, I don't remember. Oh, and my nose got sunburnt, it shed the most yesterday. That was fun...



Yay!! Rant time!!!

All right, so I do actually run daily, when I'm outside or when I'm in a hurry ((Example: AHH!! Computer can't die on me! Must use bathroom quickly!)), but I noticed that... my calves hurt today... I suddenly realized that I missed that feeling... maybe because it shows that I'm not a lazy ass and I'm trying to stay in shape (well, I mean, not get worse...). It's just that during PE I wouldn't feel like I was in shape, because I was in pain and had a hard time breathing. I don't really care that I can last longer, it still hurts during and after.

What does it mean to be "in shape" anyway?


The only exciting thing that happened here this whole summer happened last night. We had a shrew inside. I saw it first and announced it to everyone. My dad went to the store to get traps and poison. He didn't come out for a few hours and did after my dad put a trap where he thought it would be... I saw it when it was by the Gamecube, then it hid behind it and went under a speaker. My mom went to open the sliding glass door when she discovered it was THERE and she screamed, jumping really high up. I laughed as the shrew disappeared. So we had the door open. And the shrew came out again near the trap, but my dad scared it off so it went under the speaker, then my dad got the broom and got it out and it went outside. YAY!!! My poor shrew survived.



Uh... I can't think of anything else to say. Happy? You happy now?! HUH?! Yes, I'm bored... I have 5 library books I still need to finish (I blame Brooke, we brought her along and she gave me 2 books to read).

Okay, right now I'm watching The Boondocks for the first time. And it was talking about "nigga moments", and at the beginning it was explaining what a "nigga moment" was showing these 2 guys going at it, and they got their guns out, pointed at each other, and started shooting. They ran out of ammo until they realized they didn't even scratch each other, then they said "Hey, this is stup." "Yeah, dawg, lets just walk away and act like nothing happened." Then the cops came and shot them as "But it always ends badly" was said.

Then it said "Now lets observe what happens if a white man is in one", and it showed a white guy bumping into the guy that had been killed a few seconds ago, and the black guy was calling him a bitch and stuff, and the white guy said "Wait, I'm white," and walked off as the black guy was saying "Hey! Get back here! This is a perfect chance to throw your life away!" Then blah blah. There was this blind black guy driving a car, and the kid's grandpa gets in a fight with him, and the blind guy says "Do I smell new shoes?" and then he stepped on the guy's sneakers. Then it said on the screen: "6 of 10 "nigga moments" involve a sneaker. 50% of those sneakers are nikes."

I just loved that.

Oh, and then the more "rapper" of the kids was watching TV, and he told the other "Hey, you gotta see this", then he went backwards on the TiVo, and it was saying "Artist of the Year: Eat Dirt", and it showed his rapper with REALLY bad hair get up to get his award, and the kid said: "Wait for it", and then as the guy was walking down the aisle, he turned backwards to see the people cheering him on and stuff, then this metal chair flies out of nowhere and hits his head, and then the other rappers started fighting with each other. It was hilarious.


Another thing, it's just not quite believable that Avril Lavigne married Deryck Whibley (singer and guitarist of Sum 41). I mean, not only are they celebrities, but they're both singers and songwriters, and they're both from Canada. Ha. Imagine that. So, anyway, I was reading the AOL article about it, and it has this chatroom thing where you can talk about the article. I figured I'd read it for a laugh. Well, I got one.

Okay, this was said by "Dougmccarroll":

Avril is so cool now she has so much publsity i just dont she y she had to marry so fast to someone that no one knows i mean she could have married a punk rocker that is publicly known like Billy Joe Armstrong he is hot in a way of Greald Way he is punk But congads ne way good luck with the baby if u have one !!!!!!!!!!!
~Christina A.~


So says the person with the Lindsay Lohan icon. Note the bad spelling and even worse grammar. Note "Avril is so cool now" (even if that's not how she meant it). Notice the "marry so fast to someone that no one knows". Apparently, they dated for a year, were engaged for another year, then got married. If that's fast, I don't know what is (well, I do, but metaphorically). Notice how they spelled Billie's name semi-right, and completely went terrible at Gerard's. And... people do know Deryck, millions do. Do your research before hammering on a subject. Oh, and I don't get why people say things as if the person it was meant for would read it. I mean... really. It's stupid.

I did want to tell this person off, but I don't like being a hypocrite. I don't really like being told off. Even if I'm telling the truth. And not very many people like it when I correct their grammar and spelling (Kesley is an exception. And yeah, it was for school work, so... yeah). It's one of my pet peeves when someone does so bad at grammar that you don't read it correctly, words run into each other. Like that one line in Romeo and Juliet, when J said "Until I have Romeo in my arms--dead is my heart" or something like that, and her mother took it that she wanted Romeo dead.

Ugh, freaking computer!!! Lately, if I try copying and pasting a code for like a video, then it only gets so far, so I have to write it down and type it in, BUT youtube wouldn't let me see the rest of the freaking code, so I can't put Kill Hannah's video on here... Here's a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qW7G4tVwXOw

I just love Kill Hannah because they are one of those bands that make you want to change yourself (well that's not the only reason). They make me want to wear other colors, wear different things (that's hard to explain), maybe even paint my nails white (like Mat). No wait... one hand white and the other hand black... SWEET!!

I've had this song stuck in my head for a while now. I tried watching the video, but it was so chopped up (the images), that I decided to go on youtube and find it. I'm happy now. This song (Lips Like Morphine) makes me want to write more in my stories. It makes me want to sleep so I can dream about a kiss such as that (lyrics are further down). I still haven't had my first kiss. Sometimes I hate myself for that, but other times I'm glad that I'm waiting, because when it does happen with the right person, it will be even better.


Lips Like Morphine

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Knock me out every time they touch me.
I wanna feel a kiss just crush me,
And break me down.

Knock me out (knock me out),
Knock me out (knock me out).
Cause I've waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Blow a kiss that leaves me gasping.
And I wanna feel that lightning strike me,
And burn me down.

Knock me out (knock me out),
Knock me out (knock me out).
Cause I've waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.
Just put me on my back,
Knock me out again.

I want a girl with lips like morphine,
Knock me out every time they touch me.
I want a girl with lips like morphine,
To knock me out.

See I've waited for all my life,
To be here with you tonight.
Just put me on my back,
Knock me out again.



(lol. I'm watching A Midsummer Night's Dream, and Bottom's head just got changed into an jackass's head. It looks REALLY nice for being made in 1969. This movie isn't half bad. The actor playing Bottom is REALLY good. Haha, "Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful," I forgot about that line. Titania's costume is so disgusting, even a skimpy swimsuit would cover more skin. I thought she was suppose to have a train. The continuity sucks... ass (haha))

Okay, this isn't a very big thing, but it's (in a way) disturbing. I was surfing the net and came upon punkafied.com. It's not really freaking... but then I looked at the owner. The mind behind the whole site.... an 11-year-old. No joke. This girl is emo, loves MCR, listens to Panic! At The Disco, Flyleaf, Lacuna Coil, Paramore, The Used, Blink 182, Slipknot, Jimmy Eats World, and so on... A girl in 5th grade (or 6th) loves death. I seriously just want to tell her to GET A LIFE, but then I think about myself. But then I think that I didn't even get close to her until 7th grade. But then I think about what I went through before then... it wasn't much, but maybe she's been through it before me. She's obsessed with Gerard. She wants to be his wife... no joke... Only problem is that he is freaking 28. Who knows if she knows that or not. Or that millions of other girls have a better chance to get with him than she does. But, then, if I was her age and was like her, I'd probably not care about those other people.


It just scares me how she's not even a teenager, I guess. Then imagine how she'll be then. I feel sorry for her parents.

The concert was so freaking AWESOME. Well the ride there and back was Hell, but it was worth it. There was a freakin cool car fire on the way there. I didn't get the camera out in time, but I watched one of the rescue guys walk over to it and take a pic. We got to Roseland and the line itself made my jaw drop. I had to keep telling myself "This is Portland," explaining the insane mohawks, hair dyes, fish nets, and sluttiness of some. Others... are harder to describe. They formed 2 lines, one for women and the other for men (for the metal detectors), the security guy was humorous. He cracked a joke about this girl's dress (it was neon green and really fluffy), I didn't get it hear it that well, and when creating the two lines, he kept saying "Males over here, you're girlfriend is going to be fine", so the girls were making fun of that. Anyway, I went through and set it off (didn't have a purse), and the lady let me go.

It was really hectic in there. People were everywhere. My mom and I got tickets (the males take longer to search). I had this huge rush, because I was so afraid and worried that there wouldn't be any tickets left. It was like a euphoric rush. Then I went to the bathroom (I had needed to BEFORE the Max and BEFORE the 5 block walk from the Max to Roseland). I noticed the grudgyness of it all (like I expected a club bathroom to be) and the lack of graffiti on the stalls, but the waste bucket thing on the stall wall said "Wash your hands!" with i's dotted with hearts and everything. I was also surprised that there was no one else in there. It was semi-big, and the main room was way too crowded.... But then as I got out, about 4 girls (all with each other) were going to go in.

My dad came over to me after my mom gave me the tickets then went to the bathroom herself. After she came back (and a few more stares at me... I didn't care because I'd think "And... HOW many people stared at YOU so far today?") I heard music going on upstairs. I rushed my parents up stairs, gave the lady my ticket (so she'd rip off the side), then the guy put a stamp on my left forearm (why there, I've no clue) of a bouquet of roses. Mine's still on. So then we went upstairs, and I felt like I got hit in the head. The music was SO LOUD. I leaned against the railing (as I could hear my hearing go away) "in the back" (If I had fallen backwards, I would've gone down the stairs). The place was small, but I love that. It gives one a higher chance to meet Kill Hannah. At that time, there weren't very many people there.


The band on the stage had 4 people. I KNEW it wasn't Kill Hannah, because the singer was a girl, the guitarist had possibly the HUGEST afro I've ever seen, and the bassist had emo glasses, and sort of a fro, but it was just his long, curly hair. I didn't get to see the drummer very well (He did stand up after one of the songs for a second). After that song had finished, the bassist introduced the band. Schoolyard Heroes. I then realized that the "banner" behind them was theirs (on top of Kill Hannah's), but it was so cheap that the light behind it only made "Kill Hannah" be seen clearly. This band so SO loud (as I said before). You could quite clearly hear everything BUT the vocals. I could hardly even understand every other word. When the instruments were quieter, you could tell she had a great voice, you just couldn't HEAR it. I blame the bass for making it so that even my nostrils wouldn't function properly. And whenever the singer screamed, chills would go up my spine.



I went unto the "dance floor" (wooden flooring), because my mom claimed we were in the walk way. I found a perfect spot where I could see over everyone else. I figured this band's goals were to either deafen you or to disable your hearing so much that it made them sound like nothing you've ever heard of. That second one is the only one I can really say is true. Between one of the songs, I said yelled to my mom "I'm this close to being deaf," as I held my fingers a half an inch apart. I think it was their second to last song, the bassist said that this song was going to be dedicated to "this young lady. What's your name?" Then he leaned forward and even though didn't have the mic to his mouth, you could hear him say "Snoopy?" with a confused look on his face. "So, I guess this song is dedicated to Snoopy."




Schoolyard Heroes was finally done (cause whenever I though that they were done... even with a song, they'd keep going). The lights went on, their banner got taken down so you could see Kill Hannah's "background". People were talking to each other. I knew that they were talking loudly or yelling like I was, but to me, it sounded like whispering. You know, those loud whispers where it's just quieter. The merch place behind us had nice big lines (like 6 people each at least). I was just watching people when I heard what sounded like somebody falling behind me. I looked and saw a girl taking a pic of the SYH's bassist who was holding a makeshift sign that said "GREG" (with the quotation marks). It looked like he was smiling as big as he could (with his eyes opened, making him look insane). He was really tall... I'd say no more than 7 foot (I'm 5 foot, remember?), though.


EVENTUALLY, Kill Hannah came on. Mat's voice could be heard, talking, like an introduction, but it sounded like it was about the future, or something. It wasn't loud enough. Then they all came out. I could only see Dan and Greg's guitars (well Greg has a bass... whatever) and they had a light on the end (you'll see it in the picture). They just played. No vocals. And compared to SYH's raw sound, this sounded... holy. After a few minutes of that, Mat's voice cut through introducing the band "Hey, we're Kill Hannah, and we're from Chicago." With their first actual song (it was either this song or the song after this that was "Lips Like Morphine"), I could hear Mat's voice PERFECTLY, then later, I couldn't. I figured it was my ears, but I later found out (from my dad) that there was a guy tweaking the sound.







It was so awesome. I even found this NEW perfect spot (leaning on a pole), where I could see everyone, and the music vibrated through it intensifying the feeling of it all. And I was really ALONE there, even though I tripped like... two people. Before one song, Mat said that either they don't usually... or they've never (most likely never)... "played this song outside of Chicago. It's called 'Welcome to Chicago, Motherfucker.'" Then there were these two songs that were dedicated to 2 people (One of the dedicated songs was "Rebel Yell"... can't remember the other one). Apparently they already knew them, because after the first dedicated song, Mat got 2 waterbottles and threw them at the people it was dedicated to (he pointed to them earlier). I took SOOO many pics that my battery went low. Then Mat said that they were going to do their last song. I crossed my fingers, mouthing "Kennedy". "It's called 'I Wanna Be A Kennedy'." The crowd went wild. I did my "dancing" in one spot thing. It was a much better experience that I actually KNEW the words to this song, so I was mouthing the words and filling in the spots where I couldn't even hear Mat's voice. It was such an awesome finale. He put so much heart and lung into "I'D NEVER LET YOU GO" that listening to the recorded one just doesn't cut it. It's like an insult. That maybe I should just relive it in my head until another live performance. Never listen to such low-rate stuff again.






Kill Hannah's performance didn't last long enough. I mean, it was longer than SYH's alright, but I could've lasted more. I WANTED more. While waiting for MSI, there was a few times when the crowd chanted "MSI! MSI! MSI!..." I kept looking to see if Kill Hannah would come out, like Greg had (the one from SYH). My mom noted that it'd be awhile till MSI would come out (she said she just felt it), so we went downstairs to get food. We stood in line (there was 2 people in front of us). There was this guy standing to the side looking at ice cream. Just from the fro I knew it was the guitarist from SYH. I also noticed a presence behind me. I glanced to see it was a guy with black hair and dark clothes (and how many others of those people were there? But you could actually tell people apart... well, from what I saw... "Oh that other girl I saw had that neon green skirt".... I've never seen a skirt like that in my entire life. Oh and there was this INSANE mohawk couple... it was freaky). He wasn't looking at me when I looked at him, but he was a few inches behind me... he could've been 2 feet behind me, and there would hardly be any other soul that would cut in front of him. I tried not to notice. The guitarist put a dollar in the lady's tip jar before she came back with our Coke and bottle of water, then as we were turning to leave, I saw her give the guitarist the two alfredo meals that my mom and I were talking about ("Doesn't that look good?" "No. Not really."). We sat down for a few glorious minutes, until I decided to go back up (I didn't want to miss their beginning).

I noticed the merch line was practically non-existant. So my parents gave me $40 (and my dad said he wanted change back. They didn't know how much $20 would get me). There were 3 people there. There was somebody already looking at SYH shirts with the SYH singer, so I went to one of the guys. The guys were talking to each other, so I looked around, deciding what to get. I decided and made it look like I was still decided as they were still talking. I looked at the counter at the button, pins, patches, and stickers and such. Then when they were done, the guy said something about my hand (the one with KH on it, K backward), I couldn't quite hear him over the people. I wasn't sure if he interpreted it wrong or not. I turned it correctly (for him) and said "Yeah, KH. Uh, anyway, I'd like to get that shirt." I pointed. He couldn't tell. I had the hardest time describing it: "Uh... the black one... uh...", so I tried pointing again. He leaned over the counter and put his head next to mine, saw where I was pointing, and went over to it. "This one?" "Yeah." "Small?" I thought for a few seconds, "Medium." He got one out of a tub and gave it to me. I handed him a $20 (the shirt was $15). Then I realized that I was going to get the 2 Kill Hannah pins. So I went "Oh, and these, " and pointed (I have a thing about pointing, don't I?" at them on the counter. So he handed me $3, then got the pins. "Yay!" I said, then went off.


*Okay... I wrote most of all that you read on paper first, so I added and took away lesser parts. When he first showed enthusiasm for the writing on my hand, I realized he looked like Greg in Kill Hannah, but the hair wasn't quite right... but then I think back now, and... I don't know. They both had the gelled (or however they do it) mohawk. I can claim that I met the Kill Hannah bassist... even though I'm not sure myself if I had or not. That's just plain sad. The only time I was embarrassed with the "merch guy" was when I couldn't describe the shirt I wanted. I had laughed at myself at that. In front of him. In a way, I'm kinda flattered that he 'suggested' I'd get a small... but then it's like "You're really short..." but I like the first one better.*

*End Part 1. Begin Part 2*


Eventually, MSI came on, making most of the people scream their freaking lungs out. They did "Shut Me Up" FIRST (the song I most wanted to hear/see), so that kinda disappointed me. I blanked with the lyrics, but it was fun to watch because Jimmy (the vocalist) kept punching himself and falling down (you kinda have to see the music video to fully get it. Clicky HERE (link opens in new window)). Yeah, MSI is INSANE. I'll get to more on that throughout the rest of this post. Oh, and I think it was before their first song that they said that they were changing our restriction rules, or something it was not longer "150 feet", but now 3 feet. Apparently there were really strict rules that if someone came in arms length of a security guy, they'd get pushed back (this was because of SYH and KH's lack of stage space, I think. From the 21+ balcony, my parents said that Kill Hannah looked really cramped in their spot. Surrounded).

Before their second song, Jimmy said, "We are the new Pokemon!" - crowd goes wild - "You have to catch us ALL!", then in the song, I could hear "pika". Their sound was better tamed, I think. I could hear Jimmy better than the singer of Schoolyard Heroes, for example. Oh! And Jimmy had this jacket on that said on the back "SHIT EATS PEE", but he took it off after the 2nd or 3rd song. It was quite funny actually. He was swinging it around after he took it off, then it looked like he was going to throw it underhand into the crowd, but he let go of it so that it landed on the stage, and his hand came up with his middle finger up, and he looked at it "confused" as he sang.



Either before the 3rd or 4th song (after he took the jacket off), Jimmy complained that he stunk really bad and that a girl should go through her purse and get him some deodorant. It wasn't long before I saw something fly up into the air and Jimmy "skillfully" caught it (no, I don't know what I meant by that. I should've video-taped it (on my camera), cause it looked cool). It was a spray deodorant, or whatever, so he sprayed it on himself and on Lin Z (the bassist) and said to her "Now you smell goooooood." He did also spray it on the crowd now and then (he'd put it somewhere until he "needed" it again).

Later, he claimed he needed "more guy liner." I don't know where he got it from, but it looked like (from where I was) black lipstick, and he put it under one eye (sort of like a football player), then said "How does that look?" I was laughing. After cheers from the audience, he said "Wait," and did it on the other side. I tried my best to get a pic of it, but either it came out bad or you couldn't see it. I should've brought Matt's camera, it has zoom at least. Yeah, "my" camera sucks ass.

There was this other time where Jimmy told the light guy to turn the lights on, so they did, blinding me. "Are there any mascots here? Nobody? Nobody dressed like a cow or a banana? What's fucking wrong with you people?" I wouldn't be surprised if the song they went RIGHT into after that was about mascots, or whatever.



Before another song he said, "Now it's time to play Dance, Dance Revolution!" Crowd went wild. He grabbed a DDR mat, and put it down saying "Damnit, it's the PS2 version. I'm gonna have to do Easy because I suck at this." He made it look like he was actually going to play DDR as he was stepping on the mat and looking up as if he was going through the menu screen. "Well, I don't want to do Britney Spears, so I'll have to go with ----" (I forgot what the song's name was) After they finished that song, Jimmy went back to the mat and said "I'm gonna erase that one. That sucked."



That last thing reminded me of this other time when someone threw something to Jimmy (for him to keep, obviously), but he threw it back saying that whoever threw it was being "too nice." - crowd cheers - "That's a bad thing!" he screamed as whatever it was, was thrown back at Jimmy. Then he said something (it's vague now) about that it was probably a/the person listening to their Fall Out Boy album (honestly, I don't like them), and he quietly sung a bit from one of their songs with an innocent look on his face. Then he looked at someone in the crowd (by the pole in the middle of the floor) and said, "Oh! I'm sorry. Panic! At The Disco is completely different. I'm not going to even GO there!" (I don't like them either).

Before another song, Jimmy yelled, "It's time to play Family Feud! The Balcony (well, it was for them, but I can't remember what he called them) versus the General Admission!" It consisted of the crowds yelling out things. But then Jimmy said, "Is the answer 'Animal'?" followed by the Family Feud's beeping sound, then went into the song which did have the beeping in it.

I think someone gave Jimmy a stuffed animal that made sounds, or he already had it, but he pressed it's belly and put the mic to it so you could hear it. Couldn't understand it, though. Then he said, laughing, "She's gonna fucking kill you!"

This was towards the beginning, but between two songs, Lin Z pointed at some guy in the audience and said "Call me." There was more (talking), but it's really vague in my mind. Also, before one of the songs, I heard the guitarist (can't remember his name) said, "Could you put your boobs away? They're disturbing me." This was followed by Jimmy saying (to someone around that area) "What's that you're wearing? What are you wearing? What the fuck are you wearing?! Is it 1994? Did your mother dress you? Is it from 1991?" Then they sang the song "1989".

For one song, Jimmy had a stuffed wolf. I didn't understand the lyrics. But he was carrying around that wolf, swinging it around... putting it's mouth...... you know where....



Jimmy lit at least one cigarette... even though no smoking was permitted up there (didn't stop this one couple. The girl was tan, had piercings, skimpy clothes. Her boyfriend was white, but in gangster clothes... they were high. (My dad: "No kiddin? What was your first clue?") They were seriously humping with their clothes on, and the guy could NOT dance. His "dance" looked like he was trying to step on one of his shoes then jump up and down...). So anyway, I left the BEST FOR LAST!!!! Jimmy brought out the fairy wings. He put them on and said, "I'm a fairy princess," with a femininy (sp?) voice. I was laughing so hard. During the song, he was running around the stage, and towards the end of the song, he went on top of a speaker. I DID take a pic of it... so it's all good. Can't see the wings well, but they're there. At the end of the song, he took off the wings saying that he was now mature enough that he didn't need them (or something like that).






People did get on the stage. 2 (I believe) when MSI was on. The first one (which I didn't see), was this girl ran up on the stage and put sunglasses on Lin Z. I only saw Lin Z with her back to the audience with a security guy next to her (I had thought at the time that she had gotten ambushed by someone). The other one, I did see. It was a guy with dirty blonde long hair. He looked a lot like one of the staff guys, so at first I thought it was him. He ran to Jimmy, put his arm around him, and they twirled around for a few seconds until the security came in (a big guy and a big lady). It made me think that he was really nice to the people who were about to be punished by the staff.




I remember it was before MSI came on, that I saw a guy either come up the stairs or come to the "floor" from the merch place. He looked familiar. It was that he looked so much like Skyler that made him look familiar. Black mid-length hair. Black clothes, and he had... either 1 or 2 piercings. Either eyebrow, lip, or both. I only got a glance at him, and it's been 2 days. But I knew it wasn't Skyler because of the nose. It just wasn't quite right. And then, at the beginning of MSI... or... Kill Hannah, this girl wrapped an arm behind my neck and said "I like your shirt", it was my "I'll try to be nicer if you'll stop being an idiot" shirt. I said thanks, smiling. She had mid-length blonde hair. Can't remember if she had streaks or not. Didn't see her face well, so couldn't tell if I knew her or not. She was wearing a black shirt with some red design in the front, and black with some red skirt, and black fishnets. That's all I really remember. Her skirt might've been plaid... I dunno.



We left early. My parents didn't want to walk in the thunderstorm when it hit (Matt had called), and they didn't want to get caught with everyone else as they left. At first, I didn't want to go. I loved the place, then. I never wanted to leave, besides, I wanted to meet Kill Hannah. Then I realized that they had been here 2 months ago... when were they gonna be here again? By then I'd have heard more of their songs, memorized more, sing to more they sang. Know more of the bands past. Know all of their last names (not just Mat's... his is easy to memorize... Mat Devine...). When I realized that, it became clear to me what the music had been covering up... like a drug. My back was KILLING me, I had a headache, my legs and feet hurt (I had been standing up for just about 3 1/2 hrs STRAIGHT (well expect for after we got drinks, and when I went to the bathroom)), and I had barely even ATE at all that day (I was way too nervous). Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get home.

Outside of Roseland, I could understand what Jimmy was saying, I knew the building was shaking from the bass. I could hear everything but the audience. I took a pic of Roseland from where I could still hear Jimmy... I just didn't understand every other word.



Finally, 5 blocks under our belts. Finally got to sit on the bench as we waited for the Max. I noted how my headache wasn't NEARLY as bad as I thought it'd be. We talked about random things. I noticed only my left ear was throbbing. Finally, the Max came. On there... it was like it signaled for me to feel nauseous. And my headache got worse. Back in the truck, I took Excedrin and tried laying down. I don't think either of them really helped. At Wendy's I didn't get anything. My parents didn't seem to get the fact that I wasn't feeling good. I had to motion throwing up and pointed at the Wendy's bag since I was afraid of opening my mouth. I hoped that having the bag there would help me feel better, but I know that the smell of fries didn't.

I got home, ran to the bathroom to lean over the toilet (as my parents went down to Napa, because they forgot to split up and bring the Blazer back). Then, when I felt that I'd only throw up if some food or foul smell was thrown at me, I went to bed....


So how did your July 3rd go?

These past few days I've discovered SO much due to internet surfing -- oh the joy! So, obviously, I wouldn't want to do anything other than tell you people about it. It's now 4:40 am... I don't care, really. I'm not tired.

So, I JUST finished the links for the bands to their websites, it was actually pretty fun, because I'd google them, then put the address I found. Make sure it wasn't dead (kittie.net is dead... it's now kittierocks.com, kittie.com is a cat site, and when I went on, there was a DOG on the first page!)

Anyway, I went to the sites one by one, and since I've NEVER been to most of them, I went around a bit. Evanescence has a "new" layout for their upcoming album "The Open Door" coming out Oct. 3. Awesomeness. I already knew that last part, though.

I already visited the KVLT (pronounced "cult"), because I heard about it from From First to Last (haha) when they were on Steven's Untitled Rock Show (on Fuse), and said it was the most mis-pronounced fan club ever.

First time on Lacuna Coil, didn't stay there long, cuz I wanted to get the links over with. Basically, just made sure it was alive.

First time on Scarling. and Jack Off Jill (yes, I do know what it means). I discovered that you can get to the Scarling. site from JOJ. Not much of a surprise. After JOJ broke up, the singer (Jessicka) went and formed Scarling., they are similar in a way, but Scarling is more... indie... JOJ is more... I don't know... but Jessicka's vocals are more high-pitched, I guess in JOJ, so whatever. Didn't know that JOJ had so many ex-members.

First time at Chevelle. The brothers. Just looked at front page.

10 Years... what can I say? Wow -- they grew up. Last time I went there was when I got their CD, and there was only one page... no joke, that had the buddy icons and all that. Now they actually have a full-out bio and pictures. You don't know how long I spent trying to find pics of them many months ago: couldn't find a single decent one (like... zippo photo shoot shots (Sorry, I'm watching My So-Called Life... 1994)). Now they're all grown up!! *starts bawling*

UnderOath... good band. For some reason, it felt like their last CD came out like a year ago... but it was actually 2 years (they just came out with a new CD), and it made me realize once again how... fast time can go by. Well, no. It's just that we have so many more memories as time goes by. Percentages change. Someone can think that they're childhood went by SO SLOW, and then they're 50, and they think it started and ended in a blink of the eye. A day feels so long, and in a year, we've completely forgot about it. I think about this thing quite a bit... so I'm sorry that the images are really everywhere.... It's just my stupid philosophy getting in my way... oh well.

Umm... I already talked about Kittie... I went on that website a LONG time ago... last year... over a year... when Skyler lent me his Kittie CD. Haven't been on since, but I DO believe it's still there. Know that they have a new CD coming out in '07... probably won't be able to get it, but I don't really care that much.

The Used has an awesome site... or at least the first page. I love where you press in numbers, it's SO COOL. The first time I did it (so long ago, I can't even remember) it actually took me FOREVER to figure out that you had to use your keypad. Shut up. You might've also clicked the buttons if I didn't just say it. still probably will, but oh well.

Atreyu. Couldn't get the player going, and after that I went on to the next website. I SO want to get that CD... forgot to put it on my wishlist thingy over there >>>>

Linkin Park. Been there quite a long time ago. It's under construction, so is the Slipknot site.

Avenged Sevenfold..... AWESOME GRAPHICS.... and that's how far I got.

Story of the Year. New album. Already knew about it. Site looks cool though.

Good Charlotte. For me, the band keeps getting worse and worse even though there's no new stuff coming out. They FINALLY got a new layout. Finally. But still no blogs, and that kinda brought me down. Billy should like... move to a new band or something. In all the pictures where they're together, Billy looks so alone and sad... brought me down even more.

The nine inch nails site. Wow. Looks nice, awesome concept and such. Purdy-ness.

Ok, now this is the part that I wanted to talk about, mainly. Nightwish. I've been to the site before, when I first heard of them. But, since then they got a new layout, it's really purdy. I was scanning through the news... and... it said they were looking for a new vocalist... (me: O_o... what?) So I was wondering what happened to Tarja. It's a Finnish band. So I went to the member section, clicked on Tarja, took me to her "Offical website"... kinda freaky... cuz... it's a miracle if I find a friend in the US that has even HEARD of Nightwish. Least of all, Tarja. So then... I QUICKLY find out that... she's famous. She's freaking famous over in Europe. I mean, over there, in magazines, ordinary people have polled her to be the best artist, best vocalist, most wonderful person... She among the best singers in Finland. Then, people in Finland call her the Queen of the Night, and voted that she's the most impressively dressed woman.... I introduced Kevin to Nightwish. One day during the last few weeks of school, I was walking to the bus and I heard (Amanda?) say to this other girl that the artist she was listening to was Nightwish. That caught my eyes. Something you don't hear everyday around here. Yet... think about it... it probably IS an everyday thing in Finland. Oh, and Tarja's voice is what I'd classify more opera-ish than anything else. But go and check out Nightwish. It's an interesting band. Oh!! And even if you can only listen to one song, let it be "Nemo," it's a beautiful song.


Well... let's continue HOPING that I can go to that concert!! And if I do, let's hope I don't get trampled by rabid fans. It's bound to happen. Wait... SINCE I could only find Mindless Self Indulgence for the tickets... that it's one of those special concerts? So there's less people or something? Or are they just OPENING for MSI.... cause I'm just... curious about all this, is all... really confusing.... And the fact that it's all ages and MSI just cracks me up. Even some of their song titles aren't "all age appropriate". I just made up that last thing... but they DO all start with a's.... is that cool or WHAT?! Yeah... I know... it's not that cool...


And now it's 5:48. Matt just walked by a few minutes ago. It's really light out... and I'm GOING TO BED!! YAY!!! YOU'RE FINALLY RID OF ME!!!! ...until next time.... PEACE!!! *holds up peace signs*


I'm still not sleepy, you know. YAY!! IT'S THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF BILLY AND MANDY!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY! FINE!! I'm going...

Welcome to A Dark Soul version 3.0. You like? I tried to make the text pretty (the title and bottom), so obviously I did it myself.

<<< There's a Cbox, so you guys can leave comments/messages. I know Cara didn't like the lack of comments on the last version.


Ummm.... over there >>>>
Is the about me, dislikes, likes, wishes. Blinkies are over there too, don't fret. You just have to scroll down a bit, sorry. There's quite a bit of stuff there.

I don't know what else to say... It's an old layout who's code was laying about on my computer, thought I'd put it to good use. Didn't feel like scraping through blogskins.com for something new.


Ummm... good news! It sounds like I'm going to the concert... let's just hope that there's tickets at the door and they're not sold out. Hope. HOPE!

(Hope's a weird word... so is weird... and word... okay, I'll shut up)

It's only been a week since school got out.

Only a week, and I'm already falling apart.

It maybe the zoloft... my mom wants me to get off it by the end of the summer... I'm down to half a pill every other day.

Or it may be that and the lack of friend interaction.... notice I didn't say "human interaction"... I think I get plenty of that.

My body has weird ways to show that something's wrong. Sometimes I have a lump in my throat that makes me feel like throwing up. Sometimes when I breathe out, I don't feel like breathing back in. I got the throat thing ALOT the last month of school, now I've been getting the breathing thing alot...



Well, the day school went out... around... 5-ish, we (my family) left with luggage and all on a trip to the Olympic Peninsula. Holy. Crap.

I didn't like the idea at first. I didn't want to spend my first few days off trapped in a vehicle. I wasn't having much fun to our first hotel -- The Red Lion Inn... in Aberdeen. I was sarcastic the WHOLE trip there. When we actually got to just Aberdeen... it got worse. I took pictures of the chemical infested water. I instantly knew this place was ghetto. It reminded me of Washougal in a way... but WAY worse. Believe me, it gave me a better first impression than what I think of it now. I never want to go there again. I'm looking around my living room right now... we could've fit the WHOLE hotel room (and bathroom... which was like 2/5 the size of the room, I think it's larger than ours). Oh, and no WiFi... I could've though, if I installed software that I would delete right after... WASTE OF TIME. Even my mom expected more from Red Lion. It was THAT bad.

When we drove around to the Chinese place, then afterwards Safeway, I noticed there was either a liquor store or a tavern on just about every block. There were just a little less chiropractic offices... which were conviently located around the taverns.... At the Safeway... they were emptying boxes, putting stuff on the shelves. Employees were yelling for/at each other.... It was a ghetto town. The next morning, I started. Made everything just below 10 times worse. I couldn't wait to get out of that town. When we did, my mood lightened.

That day we went through the rain forest. We got our fair share of porta-potties. For lunch, we ended up at The Hard Rain Cafe near Forks...


(The rock with spots is a "slug")

(If you can't read, the sign on the left says "Slug crossing", and the middle one says "To cross street, press button and wait for walk signal")

I LOVED that place, even though it was freakin crowded. They had signs, some self-made. One was "If you are upset, complaining, or in a bad mood, we'll charge $10 for having to deal with you. Whining is another $5", then my dad told us the times it was open "We open at 7:30, though sometimes we get here at 6, sometimes 9, and sometimes we're not here at all as we're fishing or hunting. We close at 7, sometimes 8, sometimes 5." Okay, the numbers were thrown around a bit, but it was around there." They have merchandise, and I ALMOST got this picture thingy that sad "The key to SUCCESS" and below was an ancient key pasted on, there was also a happiness one. It was cool. $5.

After stuffing my face endlessly (Yay! I made an oxymoron) with fries (we accidently got one more than we needed... a certain burger CAME with fries), I got MAJOR stomach cramps... not very good while your walking on endless paths through the forest, taking pictures of moss on trees. I had to double over in pain once in a while because before the walk, I asked my mom for Motrin, and she got the bottle that was expired (I swear I was at least 300 feet away from the truck when I asked).

That day, I walked a minimum of 3 miles. Saturday is a complete blur in my head. I can't remember if something I did was on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, but I know that all the rain forest stops were on Saturday, and I'm trying to gather them all in my head, but believe me, it was still a LOT. Maybe even 5 miles, I don't know.


Eventually, we got to Port Angeles. I was going Wireless, while the others walked, went to store, got pizza. Then my parents went to the restaurant. I was on the internet for a few hours, taking advantage of the high-speed of it all. You could see Canada out our window. Some boats on the dock had Canadian flags.


The whole ride back home was dull and boring. I actually got some sleeping in (for once). I had to use a porta-pottie in a gas station that was getting... a large pile... and was out of hand sanitizer.... Then when we got to Olympia, I felt sick. I had a massive headache, which felt like I had hit the side of my head hard against something (which I might've done while sleeping)


Another thing that made the trip worse was what possibly the whole state of Washington indured... heat wave. Holy. Crap. On Sunday, we stopped at Hurricane Ridge.... Supposedly, it's supposed to be cold and really windy... well, I did get to play in the snow there (YAY!!!), but it was like... 75 degrees. EVERYWHERE we went that weekend, was cloudless, wind no more than a breeze (that includes Hurricane Ridge, Port Angeles, and Forks. When we were in the forest, I said "This is supposed to be a rain forest, not a DESERT!" and I've been to a desert). I got an ice-cold coke (chilled to 29 degrees... it said so on the vending machine), played with the snow, then was totally ready to go. Then my dad said something about going on the path. I thought he said that we were going on it, I shook my head no and got to the truck (it was an incredibly long walk). I look back and find they had gone on the path anyway. So there I was, burning on the sidewalk, crouching by the truck as people stared at me. Fun. My mom came first. I let her come to a certain distance between us before yelling out, "ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL ME?!" A skater boy (who I SWEAR I saw when I was getting my Coke. He was talking to an old guy then), turned around to look at me for a split second as he walked with a camp-like backpack on with his family. I admit, he was cute... but I wasn't in much of a mood of staring at guys. And also that fact that he looked like a skater boy... not emo... I'd rather stare at an emo guy any day, well it does depend on who it is, but whatever.


There's so much more that I want to talk about, but I seriously need to get to bed (It's now 5:16 am). I'll continue tomorrow.






Seriously, one of the greatest bands out there. I was on google images, googling for (I admit) vampirefreaks, cause... there's some really cute guys on there (vampirefreaks.com), so, umm... yeah. Then somehow I got a Kill Hannah picture. I remember hearing about them, so I figured I'd check out their web site. First I listened to "They Can't Save Us Now", then "Kennedy" and I fell in love with them. I couldn't listen to any other songs, because my computer wouldn't let me. So I had to improvise by going on their myspace, and making a station on them on Pandora (great site, by the way) so that I could listen to other songs by them. Kennedy and They Can't Save Us Now are still my favs. Raining All The Time is really good, also. Some of the songs sound like there's a girl singing, but it's not. Just plain ol' Mat Devine. Talk about variety in voice. Oh, Lips Like Morphine also good, but instead of "I want a girl with lips like morphine," I think "I want a GUY with lips like morphine. Knock me out everytime they touch me".... I'll stop.... So then, I was on their myspace, and I found something AMAZING! They're playing at the Roseland Theatre on the 3rd... but that's the problem. It's on the third, it'd be a miracle if it wasn't sold out. Seriously. They're also playing with Mindless Self Indulgence (concidentally Skyler's favorite band) that night. Another problem is that I can't find tickets on the internet. Ticketmaster didn't have them. This morning, Matt was talking to my mom about something... some sort of meeting in a way with friends, and she asked who else there was going to be, and he didn't know. So then I asked my mom "What about the concert I want to go to?" Cuz last night, I told my
parents about them, and gave them all the info I had gathered. All Ages. Roseland. Kill Hannah with MSI. 7 pm. No clue about cost or where to get tickets. My dad changed the subject to Emily Johnson, because he knew her dad from way back. So then (going back to this morning), my mom asked "Hasn't Dad said anything else?" "No." "Have you found out about the tickets yet?" "No." "Maybe we could check the Weekend booklet (thingy)." So we did, and BINGO, it only mentioned MSI, but it was July 3, $18, 7:30. Then Kill Hannah must be at 7:00.


OKAY!! Anyway, let me describe KH better to you all. They've got 5 members (Mat, Jon, Greg, Dan, and Garret), 3 guitars, one bass. It's kinda techno-ish sometimes, but I'll say what Steven (He's on Fuse) said about them: Someday, Kill Hannah will take over the WORLD. It's seriously nothing like the current mainstream. They've got a new CD coming out on Aug. 1, and I hope I can get it... eventually. I WILL get For Never & Ever... even though the cover... eh, you have to see it for yourself.