Do you ever want to die to get rid of the pain? Did you ever want to die to end it all?

That's how I felt yesterday... not in the way you might think.


Friday night I was depressed. I wrote a poem that I most likely will post on Daydream. It was about Skyler (duh), and how I didn't want him to leave. I practically cried myself to sleep, knowing that nothing I'd do would change anything.

Woke up Saturday. After 7am, apparently after the earthquake, but I hadn't known that until later in the day. I laid in bed, not wanting to get up, but at the same time very uncomfortable in my position. I didn't feel good. At all. I felt I was going to throw up. I decided to get up and tell my parents that I was sick. I didn't make it. I had to run to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. I'll just say that it tasted really REALLY extremly bad, and the taste alone made me want to throw up more. I still didn't feel good when I finished. Woke up my parents, they told me to eat and drink a lot of fluids. Went back to the living room, making another stop at the bathroom. I just sat in a chair, blanket wrapped around me, trying to calm myself. I threw up at least once every half hour it seemed, sometimes just 15 min. It didn't take long until the only thing I threw up was body fluids. Sometimes I was just spitting up. It soon became apparent to me that I couldn't fully lay down unless I wanted to get dizzy and throw up. I couldn't stand smells, they just made me throw up more. My parents diagnosed me with the stomach flu. Most of the day I just laid in my parents bed, the furthest away from the coffee, biscuit, and popcorn smell I could get. As the day went on and I only got 15 minutes of sleep at a time, I got slightly better. I could lay down better, and I became really good (in my mind) at throwing up... or at least with fluids. My dad bought me the pedialite or whatever stuff. Not the best tasting stuff, but as I said to my mom, "Doesn't taste too bad when it comes out". My mom mentioned that she and my dad had stomach flu at the same time once. It came out "both sides", in other words, they had nausea and dirreaha (sp?), and they thought that they both were gonna die (don't blame them). The day felt like the longest day of my life. In fact, it felt like three days in one. I actually feel asleep for three hours on my parent's bed (WOOHOOO!! Go me!!) when I was watching tv. Watched Pirates of the Carribean, while falling asleep during it now and then. At 6 o'clock, I was wondering how I had made it through 11 hours without dying. Towards the end of the day (around... 11 maybe?) I felt better. My apendix/intestine area was hurting like hell but I was pretty much no longer throwing up (I hated how during the day, if someone said "throw up" or anything like it, it made me throw up.... kinda like yawning *yawn*), and I had a huge headache, but I could FINALLY lay down without the need of throwing up.

Today I was woken up by my mom. Took my temp... it was 98.4, a little high for me (I had 99.0 yesterday). Told me to lay down longer and not rush my body or anything. I found it SO amazing when my stomach growled. I got up, went to "my chair" (it was officially claimed mine, instead of my dad's, when I had pink eye quite a while ago), and my dad asked me if I had changed the alignment of the planets, since when I walked in the living room, the tv my dad was watching got all statiky (don't blame me for my unique spelling) and stuff. He told me that since my stomach's muscles had a huge workout yesterday, they would be really sore. In fact, they are so sore, it feels like it going to fall out of me from the weight it has... there seems to be only one position where they feel almost unnoticable. I still have a really bad headcache, but I'm to scared to take anything (Coke is MURDER on my stomach).


I think I'm gonna pass out from the pain all over my body, so I'll end here and go lay down somewhere comfy. I bloody hope I never get the stomach flu again.....