ok, lets start with: I'm sorry if I start cussing here, but I'm NOT in the best mood, and I need to vent. I seriously haven't been this mad since... I duno.


So, my classmates all know that the project is due TOMORROW! I haven't even finished with my notecards, and I still have to finish my outline THEN to my final draft. Well, I'm gonna be REAL busy for a while.

It ALL started last night. I figured that I would do just fine making the deadline. I was on the internet, getting more notecards done and AOL kept kicking me off and such. I moved the laptop to my room, supposedly going to bed. So I went on my computer to write more of my stories that I have on there. Too soon I had to recharge my battery. So I hooked the AC adapter into the wall, and put the other end in the laptop. I realized then that it wasn't charging it up. Two lights would flash up if it was plugged in, but they weren't flashing. I knew something was wrong. I didn't go tell my parents cause I was supposed to be sleeping. I attempted to fix it; no luck at all. Then this morning, at around... 2:30 pm, when my parents finally came home, I told them. I tried once again to fix it. It felt loose in the plugin thingy. Then I looked at the part you plug in and I realized... there was supposed to be a hole where the rod goes in. And, guess what? It was filled... with the rod that broke off the inside of my laptop!! "Oh, no way!!" were the words that came out of my mouth. We watched a movie we rented (Loco Love), then I went on the internet to print things so I could do more of the project in the car on our way to Portland where we would drop of the laptop. I only got 5 pages printed before we had to leave, with 21 more to go. So I read part of Emerson's boring life on the road, and when we finally came to our destination, we went to the special desk where you bring in your computers, printers, and whatnot. The guy gave a sigh and a weird look when he saw what was wrong. Another guy said that our... thingy might not pay for the damage (we got a long warranty), and might take it as abuse to the computer (W-WHAT?!?!). We came to the conclusion that I may have tripped on it, or something. I really don't know. Then they asked me if there was anything on there that should be backed up if they had to do a system backup (uh... EVERYTHING!!). My eyes watered cause it was my one and only laptop! I BETTER not lose ANYTHING!! I got ALL my poems, some stories (the ones that AREN'T on paper), and other things I've worked really hard on. The guy said everything will be ok, but he was just saying that to make me feel better. So they were going to take my laptop apart and put it all back together after they clean it. Well, it could use some cleaning, I can say that. Then the guy said that Toshiba's usually take 2 weeks. 2 WEEKS?!?! I had some of my project stuff on that computer!!!!!! Fudgy-sickles!!

On the trip back home my dad was angry, mostly at himself I believe. I cried most of the trip. Why? Because I just lost a really close friend!! Now that I won't have my laptop for a while, I feel... like a part of me was suddenly pulled out and put in the trash. I feel lonely. I never thought losing my laptop for a few days would hurt so much as it does. I'm afraid to think what it would feel like when it's gone forever.

I got home, and hiding my true feelings, I acted like everything would be alright. Nothing would go wrong with my laptop. But inside I'm asking myself: "They are going to fucking ruin it!!" and "What if I lose everything?!" and "What if the back up doesn't work? Or they didn't get everything that's so important to me?" So we were home. I went over to the printer to get the pages I had told it to print out. I almost yelled out something bad, but I think I said, "You're kidding!!" The printer was jammed on the FIRST freaking page!!! That just hit me hard. I went outside with the cats to "cool off" for a bit. But I still came back pissed and frustrated, on the verge of tears. I'm not sure why. I'm prone to moodswings. And so my dad fixed the printer, and we got the whole thing going AGAIN, so I got a few doubles. So I just sat in the chair, looking for biographies, pulling out the paper as they came out, so they wouldn't get jammed. My mom was on my neck till 11 pm, trying to get me to finish SOMETHING. Not only is Emerson's life boring, but the 14 page biography I printed was written in 1899!! Wow, no wonder I kept getting lost and didn't know a ot of the words in it. As I worked, I drank a WHOLE can of CocaCola. And friends that know me know that I'm dangerous when I have caffiene and sugar. I started drinking it around 9 pm, and I feel asleep easily after 11.


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Today I started the day well. Skyler gave me candy and a cute little purple teddy bear (as most of you had seen me with today. Like Brittni and her camera...)!! At school, the day was fine. We got our yearbooks and signed them. I attempted to do more of my project, but didn't get as far as I intended to. Right now I feel extremly sad and stressed out. Always on the verge of tears and I just need a break from it all. Damn project hates me. I find it hard to focus on one thing and finish it without distraction. I'm writing this to hopefully feel better and get advice. So far, writing this is making me feel worse.



I wrote most of this yesterday. Today's writing started at "On the trip back home my dad was angry..."